We often talk about the importance of a support network for a single parent and it is imperative that we find friends and family who can lend a hand, offer support and encouragement, and bolster us in our lives as a single parent. It is also important, however, that we learn how to identify and choose “safe” people to support and love our families.
Depending on where you are coming from in your life, it might be easy or challenging to choose safe people to surround yourself with. Some of us have strong and healthy boundaries already, or we are working on it and we know how to be choosey in selecting safe friends and acquaintances for our lives. Others of us might be coming from abuse or neglect or trauma or other stressful situations where our boundaries are a little off; we might be working hard to take care of ourselves and part of that is learning how to choose the safest possible people to be near our families and ourselves.
Safe people understand and support our families just as they are. They are not trying to tell us what is wrong or what should be fixed on a daily basis. Sure, we all need that honest friend who will tell us what we need to hear but consider whether the motivation is to actually be helpful and comes wrapped in love, or if it is spiteful, hurtful, or feels “icky.” Safe people respect our boundaries and do not show up uninvited, try to get us to do things we do not want to do, or treat our children disrespectfully. Safe people let us set the standard and the limits for what is healthy for our families and they respect it—they do not try to give our children medicine or food we disapprove of or behave in a way that we do not think is appropriate for our children. Safe people do not use drugs and alcohol to excess. Safe people are responsible, supportive, loving and appropriate.
What sort of people do you have in your support system now? Could you use some more safe people in your life?
Also: Allowing Yourself to be Comforted
There are Other “Relationships”