Sometimes as parents we give our children tasks and responsibilities, then get annoyed when the job is done shoddily. “Does this look clean to you?” we ask, frustrated. Or, “These dishes aren’t done!” The problem lies in our differences in interpretation.
Mom: “I asked you to clean your bedroom, and you didn’t do it.”
Son: “Yes I did! It’s clean!” (Meaning: I picked up my dirty socks and put them on my bed. I threw away a few pieces of trash.)
Mom: “No, this is not what I’d call clean.” (Meaning: I expected the bed to be made, walls washed, drawers cleaned out, floor vacuumed, and dresser dusted. I want to be able to eat off the floor.)
Taking time for training requires a parent to specifically explain what is expected. (And be reasonable.) A child who doesn’t understand what is expected is very unlikely to succeed. Simply saying, “Sweep this floor until it’s clean,” is not clear enough. What does clean mean, exactly? How could you best describe what your interpretation of clean is? And perhaps the child doesn’t really grasp the technique of holding the broom properly and sweeping the debris into the dustpan. It’s interesting how as parents we sometimes expect our children to instinctively know what to do, and don’t bother to give adequate explanations. And it’s unfair to punish or scold a child who was set-up for failure.
Here are some tips to adequately train your child:
1. Be realistic. Considering your child’s abilities and level of comprehension, what responsibilities are appropriate for him or her? Are you laying the chores on a little thick? Or are you giving overly-complex tasks that might overwhelm him or her? Make sure you’re giving the child an assignment that he can successfully complete.
2. Demonstrate the task. A young child, or a child with special needs should be shown visually how to do the task. And she may also need you to physically manipulate her as you demonstrate how to hold the broom, push the vacuum, etc. Children with developmental delays often need to create a “motor memory” in order to retain the job in their minds. In other words, you might need to take the child and place her hands on the broom, then push the broom to sweep the floor so she can experience what sweeping feels like.
3. Give a clear explanation of what is expected. “When you’re finished, I’d like to not see any crumbs on the floor.” Make it simple and clear.
4. Give lots of praise for a job well done, and don’t be critical. Never insult the child, even in subtle ways. “You can’t do a simple thing like vacuum the floor? What is your problem?” If the child is doing an inadequate job, your first assumption should be that you’ve given inadequate training.
I knew a mother who was always very particular about clean bathrooms in her house. She started teaching her children at a very early age how to hang up towels, clean sinks and toilets, and scour the bathtub. The time she took to train her children seemed unusual to me at first. But I’ll never forget seeing her three year old wiping toothpaste off the sink, without being asked. Her bathrooms are clean. I don’t think we need to be neurotic about these things, but children are very capable when they know what is expected and how to accomplish it. As parents, if we avoid laziness and take time to train, our children will surprise us with what they can accomplish.
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here.
Related article: “Teaching Your Child Specific Self-Help Skills.”