1. Those birthmothers who choose life in the face of pressure to do otherwise. In many cases this is a brave, brave action. If my daughter ever asks if her birthmother loved her, I can answer in the affirmative—because otherwise she wouldn’t be here.
2. The birth family members who provide honest medical and social history for their children. This helps us give them better medical and developmental care, reassures them that they have a history like everyone else, and frees the mind from wondering too much about their past and lets it go on to other things.
3. The foster parents who generously love and let go.
4. The often-overworked social workers who still take time to ask questions and smile, and other staff such as the caregivers at the baby homes abroad. Many of them do provide love and touch as well as physical care.
5. The growing body of books for adoptive parents to demystify this journey.
6. The growing number of therapists who are becoming educated about treating attachment issues. One university in our area even offers a graduate-level Certificate in Post-Adoption Counseling.
7. Children’s books and culture camps that give our children a chance to see other children and families like themselves and make them feel “normal”.
8. Learning to love our children for what they are, not for what we expect them to be. Learning to recognize the truth in the poet Kahlil Gibran’s lines, in which he was speaking of all children, not just adopted ones: “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you…”
9. The extended family members, congregations and neighbors who form a community for our kids. We need their support to show our kids that the world can be a welcoming place for them.
10. Our children, who handle some pretty heavy issues with grace (most of the time), and bring the same joy, laughter and love as children everywhere.
Happy Thanksgiving!