As I listen to people talk I find a lot of couples seem to have unrealistic ideas about marriage. Of course, I suspect many of these are perpetuated by romance novels, songs, and movies.
One couple I know found the first twelve months or so of marriage very difficult. Every little thing seemed to aggravate the other person. This was largely because they were living in a small flat and she was not used to not having a space that was not completely her own.
Another woman found it strange sharing a bed with another person. Personally I like waking up next to Mick and I never sleep as well if I go away to a writing conference and don’t have him beside me in the bed. He is the same. Not that either of us do that often. It has to be something really important to separate us.
No matter how long you have known each other or dated, and even in the case of those who choose to live together before marriage, there is often an adjustment. Despite what you might expect statistics show couples who live together before marriage end up divorced more often.
The first twelve months of marriage are about adjusting to each other. That’s why I think it’s better if possible to adjust to being married first and the other person in your life before adding a child to the mix. That’s only my opinion. It is of course dependant on circumstances and personal beliefs.
It’s certainly something that needs to be discussed beforehand, along with things like where you will live, work situations, interaction with parents and family for both people involved in the marriage. In-laws can be a problem in some marriages. They can also be a great blessing. As far as my Mom was concerned she regarded Mick as her son and he thought the world of her, which was probably just as well given the close relationship I had with my Mom.
The couple planning to marry might need to consider how much involvement the in-laws will have in their lives, how often you will see them. This could depend a lot on how close family relationships are. Again it’s something that needs to be talked about.
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Things to Talk about before Marriage