You would think after nearly 21 years of marriage, I would learn that my husband can’t read my mind. Yet how often do I expect him to?
Maybe it’s just me but I tend to do this often. I might be stressed about something or rushing to get something done and think, “Doesn’t he see that I need help?” or “Doesn’t he know I need this or that?”
I had one of these crazy mornings early this week where I was swamped with work but mistakenly planned to make two pans of three cheese stuffed manicotti shells. I didn’t think about the time it would take to do this.
So for the next hour or so I sweated in the kitchen, cooking up the meat and shells. Then I went through the tedious and arduous task of trying to fill those shells. Even with a Ziploc bag, it was nothing but a big mess.
And I certainly didn’t want to leave my kitchen in disarray so I had to clean up all the dishes and counter. Well in the midst of this, my husband had come home from work. It was early morning and he was tired.
The night before he had played a double-header softball game that ended at 10:15 p.m. and he left for work around midnight, coming home about 8 a.m. I barely acknowledged him as he walked through the door because I was wrestling with those darn shells.
When I suddenly realized he wasn’t around and apparently didn’t hear my complaints of how I had so much to do and yet I still needed to finish up my dinner preparations, I was irritated. How could he walk past me and not offer to jump in?
I know…the poor man just came off an 8 hour shift from the middle of the night. But I was wrapped up in my own mess.
So I proceeded to finish things up loudly, even grumbling aloud about the fact that “no one around here can ever help out.” Blah, blah, blah.
By the time I was done and ready to head downstairs to my home office to get to work, I peeked into our bedroom to see he was sound asleep. So he hadn’t heard the pots and pans banging or my complaining after all.
What a waste…but really, it made me realize that if I had asked for his help he would have gladly jumped in. Not that he really should have, since he needed his sleep.
But more than anything, it got me thinking about how often I do that…complain about things when all I have to do is ask. The loud show I put on in the kitchen was a real waste of my energy.
No more…for now on in I will not expect my husband to read my mind. And I will certainly take into account his needs at the moment as well.
Related Articles:
Responding Instead of Reacting
What You Shouldn’t Say to Your Husband
Photo by erat in Flickr