I’ve always believed that it’s important that my child has her father in her life. I’ve bent over backwards to make sure that happens. At times I’ve been so accommodating that my family and friends were questioning my sanity. A frequent thing I heard was “He would never do that for you, why would you do it for him.” I didn’t do it for him, I did it for my daughter, I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought that by remaining as friendly as possible with her father and protecting her as much as I could from his bad behavior I was helping her through the divorce.
Unfortunately there comes a time when you can’t protect them. My daughter is old enough to talk to her father about important things and he is letting her down, he is saying things to her that no one should say to their child and there isn’t anything I can do about it.
Now I am second guessing my decision to protect her, maybe if I had just let her find out at a younger age that her father has some pretty serious issues, maybe she wouldn’t be so hurt today.
What is the right thing to do? I thought my job was to protect my child, even if the person I was protecting her from was her other parent. My ex husband is manipulative and emotionally abusive. I have been able to run interference and take the brunt of his verbal abuse. Hailey has not really known what kind of person he is but she is 18 now and he treats her just like he treats everyone else in his life, horribly.
What is less destructive to a child, always knowing you have one parent that you can’t count on and who will hurt you to get his way, or to find out suddenly when you turn 18? I don’t know what the right thing to do in this situation is, she is an adult and I’m trying to let her handle it but her heart is broken and I can’t do anything about it this time.
The things he says and the way he behaves makes me wonder sometimes if he lives in an alternate universe. His words and actions are totally inappropriate and hurtful, but he doesn’t see it that way. I always wanted my daughter to be a Daddy’s girl, to have a great relationship with her father, to always feel loved and adored. I tried for a long time to help him so that she would see him that way, but I can’t now.
I feel helpless, my daughter is discovering that what she has believed her whole life about her father is a lie, and I helped perpetuate that lie. Everything we do for our children, we do out of love, but I’m afraid that this time, I was misguided.