Divorce is never something to take lightly. In fact, I once had a professor who said there are only three valid reasons to get divorced; she called them the three A’s. It hit me so strongly that I have never forgotten it. Marriage is tough, but I am a firm believer that ALMOST anything can be worked out if both of you are putting forth the effort to make it work. Not every day is going to be a happy one, but in the end, most things can be recovered from if you are willing to put in the work.
However, there are three things that aren’t so easy to ignore. The first is abuse. If you or your children are being abused, get out. You cannot continue to put your children at risk. There is no justification for violence in a marriage and it simply should not be tolerated. There are no second chances with this one. You have to protect both you and your children. This isn’t an option.
The next “A” is adultery. Infidelity in a marriage is absolutely devastating. It is the ultimate form of betrayal. When a woman finds that her husband has been unfaithful, she often blames herself. She finds herself saying, “If only I were prettier, then this wouldn’t have happened.” “If only I had been more loving, then he wouldn’t have turned elsewhere.” She continues to beat herself down because she is trying to find the reason behind the adultery. Sometimes infidelity can be worked through and others it can’t. It depends on the situation and on the individuals involved. In this case, you also need to protect yourself. If the cheating continues it could be potentially very dangerous for you.
The final reason has to do with addiction. Addiction can absolutely destroy a marriage. It takes over every aspect of their life and it becomes a disastrous situation for the family to be involved in. This too, can sometimes be worked through, but you must proceed with caution. Addiction can be overcome, but only if the person is committed to overcoming it. If they have no desire to change the behavior, it is time to get out. It will destroy you and your children if you don’t.
Divorce is never something to be rushed into. It should be the last resort. The consequences are long lasting for you and for your children, but sometimes the consequences are worse if you stay. You have to weigh them personally because every situation is different. What might be right for you may not be right for someone else. Think long and hard before you make the decision. There’s no going back.