Sometimes I think that life really is just a series of choices and decisions. I don’t want to minimize things and I’m always willing to entertain discussions about fate and such–but I do believe that our children need to learn how to make decisions–from the smallest of choicest to the big problems that will need to be solved. As parents, we can help them to learn how to face up to all these choices and make the best decisions possible at any given time…
When our children are tiny, we make decisions for them. We decide when they should go to bed and what they should eat, when they are old enough to take dance lessons or play soccer, and even what sort of décor should be scattered about their rooms. But gradually, as they get older, they need to be taking over more and more of the decision-making for themselves. Some kids can’t wait to start making their own decisions, while others are a bit more reluctant; some tend to be somewhat reckless while others can be immobilized with the inability to make a choice.
I think one of the most helpful things that parents can do to encourage decision-making is to support our children’s decisions! I know it sounds simple, but it can be radical for many of us since those fledgling decisions might not be the best-advised ones. If it is not going to endanger them or create some other major mishap, I think children should be allowed age-appropriate decision-making opportunities and plenty of them–and they need to have us back off and not only allow them to make these decisions, but support them as much as possible.
Now I don’t mean that we should encourage our children if they decide to go barefoot in the snow or decide to ride their bicycles without a helmet. But, what if a son wants to wear toenail polish to school? What if a six-year-old wants to choose her own hair style? Sure, we can tactfully share our opinion if we absolutely have to, but will the world end if either of these decisions is allowed to be made?
Learning how to make decisions takes practice and confidence. Kids can gain this confidence by being able to make those choices and decisions. We do want them to be strong-minded decision-makers, don’t we?
Also: Helping Kids With Goal Setting
Time to Take Off the Training Wheels