When I was first divorced I dated, quite a lot. I didn’t know how to not be married so I wanted to get right back out there and find someone to love.
When you are a single mother it’s much more complicated than just finding someone to love. You have to find someone who not only loves you, but your children. Then you cross your fingers and hope your kid likes them as well.
This did not work out so well for me and after a couple years I thought I should just focus on raising Hailey and worry about my love life later.
In some ways I’m so glad I did that, Hailey and I are really close and I’m grateful for that. In other ways I’m sorry I put my own life on hold.
Our kids grow up and find their own friends and lives, this is what they are supposed to do. When you have made your children the center of your universe and suddenly they leave home, it can be disconcerting.
Now that Hailey is married and on her own I find myself kind of lost. I don’t remember how to meet people. I don’t remember how to date. Having a conversation with a stranger about something that isn’t work related is difficult.
I’m trying to get back out there but I’ve discovered that in the years I was raising Hailey I forgot how to be me. It’s difficult to explain but now, after so many years of living alone I find it hard to think of someone else in my life.
I’ve filled my life with so many other things that I don’t even think of myself as someone who could be part of a couple. I’m just mom. I dress for comfort, not to be attractive. At work it’s all business. Hair, makeup, business clothes. Then I come home and it’s shorts, a tshirt, no makeup and a pony tail.
I have to learn how to be that other kind of woman again. And I have to figure out how to fit someone into this life I’ve built alone.
