I recently met a woman at the gym and we’ve become gym buddies. Last week after our Zumba class we were in the parking lot talking. She knows I’m a single mother and she confided in me that she is thinking of asking her husband for a divorce.
I told her I was sorry and asked what the problem was, her answer? He drives a truck for a living and is gone most of the time, she is tired of him never being home.
I took her out to coffee and we talked more. Her stance on single parenthood is that she is already doing it alone so why not make it official.
They have been married for over twenty years and have four teenage children. My friend has never worked and doesn’t intend to if she gets divorced. She said he can support her for all he has put her through.
He is not abusive, he is a good husband and father, when he’s home, the problem is he is never home. I was a little stunned. I know that everyone’s situation is different and most of us would love to have been in marriages that lasted, but it seemed to me she was throwing away twenty years for a little loneliness.
I tried to be sympathetic but I also pointed out that divorce would not solve her loneliness. After the divorce she would be even more alone. Everything would rest on her shoulders. No one would be coming home to fix the lawnmower or clean out the gutters or help with the kids.
I understand loneliness, I’ve dealt with it for a long time, but I felt this could be fixed. The problem is, sometimes we don’t want to fix it. There are many good reasons people get divorced, and it’s not up to me to say if hers is a good reason or not, but once we decide to divorce, our marriage doesn’t stand a chance.
We talked more about single parenting. I told her how hard it is, and I only raised one child alone. I talked about not even having anyone to talk to if Hailey was sick or doing poorly in school, or getting into some type of mischief.
It seems that her mind is made up, it sounds like her husband is going to be a little blind sided by this, but then again, maybe he feels that something is wrong.
I hope things work out for her. I remember when Steve traveled a lot and I thought I knew what it was like to be a single parent. I had no idea, a voice on the phone at the end of the day is much better than having all that worry to yourself.