I’m afraid to say that things are still on hold for me, weight loss-wise. My foot is still pretty injured, and while I can walk (sort of) exercise is out of the question right now. I’ve learned that I don’t lose weight if I don’t exercise, so while I’m trying to eat decently, the weight is still just sitting there. Right now I’m fluctuating up and down in the 262 range, from 262.2 up to 262.8.
This is giving me a lot of time to think, however, about the reasons why I overeat. About why I don’t exercise. About why taking care of myself is so hard to do. And I’ve reached some conclusions I’d like to share. I haven’t arrived at a whole lot of solutions, but knowing what the problem is certainly brings me a step closer.
My main problem is that I’m looking for love in all the wrong places. I know that my real comfort will come from good friends, family, and from turning to God, and yet I shy away from actual interaction and choose to comfort myself with the very impersonal food. I don’t want to make myself vulnerable by opening up that way. Well, I guess we could call this a really big group therapy session – at the time of this blog posting, there were 277,584 registered users on this site. So now you all know – I don’t like to be vulnerable.
Food doesn’t ask you to open up to it. (Well, except for your mouth.) You don’t have to share your feelings with food. It makes you feel better, 100% of the time, and it feels like a reward for all you’ve been through. It’s a celebration, and it cheers you up. It’s perfect in every situation, and you can never go wrong with it.
I’m finding, too, that I’m pulling back from my spiritual life. That may not appear to be a weight issue on the surface, but it really is. When I know that God can comfort me, and yet I choose food instead, it plays very much into the overall complex.
What I’ve heard, though, is that to really love, you have to make yourself vulnerable. You have to be willing to be open in order to receive the love that others have for you. I’m working on that. It’s just that I’ve had a lot of people take advantage of me emotionally, and I’ve become jaded. Sure, it keeps me sheltered from further hurt, but it’s also keeping me from experiencing some great joy, and it’s robbing me of my health.
So, my goal for this week – get reconnected with God. Seek out my husband and kids when I need comforting, instead of the goodie. And get this foot better so I can make some real progress next week.
Related Blogs:
Weight a Minute: Tristi’s Story
Weight a Minute: The Week that Wasn’t