Life is not linear. As much as we would like to make predictable plans and schedule out the next year or even the next decade—life just does not work that way. Instead, what many of us discover is that life tends to move in cycles. Over time, we can start to notice and accept these cycles as they move and spiral through our lives. In fact, we can even learn how to welcome these natural cycles instead of trying to resist, steer, and eradicate them.
Whether it is with our child or children, or with ourselves, there are natural cycles in the way life evolves. Just like the seasons change or a plant grows, things tend to move in a circular motion. I remember reading years ago that the world naturally tries to configure itself into circles and cycles—the moon, sun and planets, the growing cycle, rotations and spirals—the natural order of things is to be constantly turning and spiraling and coming around again and again. Instead of trying to force our lives into a marching line of achievement and evolution, if we accept that there are going to be natural waxing and waning and rolling cycles, we may have a better understanding of what is happening.
As single parents, it can seem like we are on a different “cycle” than our partnered friends or those people who do not have children. That may very well be the case, or it might be that they are just at different points in the cycle than we are. I like to think of it this way—I am working through my own cycles in my life, but they are entwined and connected with everyone else in the world. Remember that childhood drawing game the Spirograph? No matter where you put your pen in or which disc you chose, the lines would all spin and connect and overlap. You could draw so many versions of those colorful and overlapping spirals and cycles. Welcome the evolution, welcome the changes and welcome the natural cycles—after all, it is not as if you can really change them anyway!