“You should have some counseling to deal with your anxiety.” “Why don’t you see a counselor, you’re going to lose your job if you don’t pull yourself together!” “I think you have a problem with your mother, how about you go see a counselor!”
These are typical phrases bandied about to people who are experiencing ongoing emotional difficulties. It’s interesting to ask people what they expect will happen when they attend counseling. Most reply: “Well, I’m got this problem and the therapist is going to fix it.”
Wrong! Having counseling is not like going to the doctors and being handed a prescription and – voila! – problem solved. Therapy is also not like going in to have that grumbling gall bladder removed. The latter literally involves you just lying there while the medical staff does all the hard work.
Therapy is an active process and most of the activity needs to be undertaken by the client. It is a misconception that you go to a therapist and they will simply tell you what to do. Sometimes the therapist can see what it is that needs to change, but the client also needs to be ready to take the necessary steps in order to effect that change.
Many times the therapist does not have a ready answer; the answer becomes apparent as therapy progresses and more issues come to the fore. In some scenarios, there are no solutions, only a movement towards acceptance is possible. However, a good therapist can assist the client to see possibilities and opportunities for change.
Yet a therapist is only as good as the client allows them to be. If a client will not work, avoids issues, and does not do the required homework, progress will stall. Having counseling is much like life: you get out of it what you put into it.
I can also tell when my clients are trying hard to recover versus those that passively wait for change to happen. The former group make relatively speedy progress, spend time thinking and writing about their situation and come up with enlightening insights that allow them to free themselves from the problems that were formerly weighing them down. The latter become stuck within their problem and are either not ready to change or are unwilling to change on a deep level.
Sometimes it takes a while for people to realize that therapy really is hard work. But it is permanently rewarding and a great investment in the future – your future!
Contact Beth McHugh for further assistance regarding this issue.
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