A married couple with three children, a single mom with two children, a couple together for the last eight years with one child. Which of these is a “normal family”? Each person is bound to choose given their own life experiences as well as the influences that have been applied through out their life. Most people however, would choose the married couple with three children. So, what if we give a little more detail about each family?
The husband of the married couple is an alcoholic and is suffering from depression. He has received several DUI’s and will be heading back to court soon for his latest one. The wife is verbally and, upon occasion, physically abusive to their children. This has caused the middle child to try to run away several times already.
The single mom with two children became a single mom by choice when she adopted a brother and sister. Both of these children have F.A.S.D. (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder). Due to the F.A.S.D. one gets physically violent and/or constantly tries to “get revenge” when he gets angry, and the other has communication issues to the point that if she was laying in a hospital bed dying, she would not be able to tell you what she needed.
The couple that have been together for the last eight years constantly fight with each other, though never physically. Even when they aren’t at home they fight over the telephone and through text messages. He talks about their future and the plans he has for them one night, then tells her they’re through the next night, only to call her back a few days later to say how wrong he was.
Now which one of these families is normal? The correct answer is none of them and all of them. Looking in from the outside, most people would say that none of these people have a “normal family.” Looking from the inside, all of them would say they all have normal families, because that is their normal.
I gave these families as examples because at first glance, they give a completely different image than they do when you have the whole picture. The grass is always greener on the other side, until you pass that gate and realize they had a green light installed to make it look that way. There truly is no “normal family.”
A lot of single parents feel guilty for not being able to offer their children a “normal home.” A lot of single parents wish they had a “normal life.” There is no such thing, and no matter how hard or how long you try, you will never be able to achieve that. You are trying to achieve an unreachable goal. Change your hopes and dreams to something with in your reach. Work to give them a better life, or a good life, not a normal one. When you set unreachable goals, you are setting yourself up for failure from the get go. Work towards happiness and stability and you will be able to say you succeeded in your goals.