My daughter used to be an only child. I’ve always felt a little guilty about that. Sometimes it made me sad that she didn’t have siblings. I have four siblings, two brothers and two sisters, they were the best part of growing up. Even though we drove each other crazy, they were always there for me. It made me sad that Hailey wouldn’t know that love.
When Hailey turned 15 her Dad gave her a sister. It was a very hard time for Hailey, she had gotten used to being an only child, and she was definitely ok with being the most important girl in her Daddy’s life. Along came Ivy Dawn.
The first time Hailey was going to see her sister, she was not happy. She was afraid she wouldn’t love this little baby who she was going to have to share her Daddy with, and she was mad that her only child status had been taken away. And then she met her sister.
When Hailey came home from that first visit she was head over heels in love with that baby girl, she couldn’t stop talking about her. I was happy that she wasn’t an only child anymore.
Since Hailey’s Dad and Ivy’s Mom are no longer together I knew it would take a real effort on everyone’s part to make sure that these two sister, so far apart in age, have a relationship. I made up my mind that I would do whatever it took to make sure the sisters have plenty of sister time.
One thing we do is keep Ivy for the weekend occasionally. My friends and family think it’s a little nuts that I keep my ex husbands child but I don’t see Ivy that way. She is not just Steve’s child, she is Hailey’s sister. That bond is too important not to do everything you can to foster it.
So our little Ivy Dawn is always welcome at our house, she has her own bed, her own toys and feels completely at home here. I know it is unusual but it works for us. I get to watch my daughter interact with the sister I never thought she would have and Hailey is learning what it feels like to love someone and protect someone smaller than you.
Recently Hailey was talking about Ivy and she said, “That little girl is my heart.” Just seeing how much she loves her sister tells me that we have done the right thing. By not drawing lines and declaring which home belongs to which kid, and who is welcome where, we are giving the girls the family they need.
We are lucky, not everyone could do this. Lots of women would not be ok with their child spending time with the ex’s ex wife, Ivy’s Mom is great, because she loves Hailey too and made a promise when Ivy was born that the sisters relationship would always come first.
The three adults in this “family” are putting our daughters and their relationship ahead of anything else. When my baby girl holds her baby sister and just squeezes her, and Ivy pats sissy on the back and says “Love you much” I know that the girls will share a special bond, even though they have different parent groups and grow up in different homes.
I am grateful for Ivy, grateful that my daughter is no longer an only child. Well, she’ll always be my only child!