I admit that I do have some nostalgia for those fun questions my children used to ask when they were tiny–questions about how bees find their way home and why both hot and cold water come out of the kitchen faucet. As children get older, if a parent has laid the groundwork of honesty and approachability, a child’s questions become increasingly difficult and can really stretch a parent’s brain power and sensitivity!
I do believe in honesty and directness with children from the very beginning. I think if we give our children honest answers to their questions when they are young and share factual, necessary information with them as they grow up, they will continue to come to us even for the really tough stuff as they get older. Even though that might be uncomfortable, it is ultimately what we want as parents, right?
I find that now that my children are nearly grown–they come to me for the really hard questions they are too embarrassed to ask anyone else. This is a good thing, but it can catch me off guard. There have been many conversations that I never truly envisioned having with my kids. After all, I think, I never talked about any of this stuff with my mom!
So, I take a deep breath, and try to fight my own discomfort and embarrassment and answer as best I can with as little emotion or obvious embarrassment as I can. I admit that there have been some questions that were so hard, I have had to take a little time to do some research! I think it is important, however, to set a time to get back and talk things through when a parent has to do research and gather resources so the child doesn’t think you are just trying to avoid the question or blow them off.
Hang in there. We want our kids to come to us. And, if we don’t know the answer to the tough, hard question–we can help them find it and maintain our accessibility and authority.
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Parents–Watch the Nonverbal Messages You Send Your Kids