In 10 Divorce Myths, Heather stated how she rarely reflects on divorce because this is, after all, the Marriage Blog.
I don’t like to focus on the Big D either because I believe you get what you give. (Not so much that I’m going to get divorced just from talking about it, but I don’t want to attract thoughts of it and make it a focus in my life.)
However, earlier today I wrote Did You Commit to Marriage Before You Even Were? In it I brought up how many of us have learned by example that divorce is okay.
I’d like to say divorce is never okay, but that’d only be in a perfect world. Since no such thing exists there’s going to be times when divorce is inevitable.
When Divorce is the Only Option
• In cases of domestic violence.
Any man or woman who is suffering physical or mental abuse at the hands of a partner unwilling or unable to change their behavior can not be faulted for getting out. It becomes a matter of self-preservation.
• The spouse up and completely disappears.
In recent years runaway brides have made the news. But once upon a time (heck, it probably even happens now but doesn’t get as much attention) runaway husbands (and I imagine some wives) didn’t even bother to file papers. They just left and let the other person deal with it all. Not much you can do about a spouse who’s not there except get divorced.
When Divorce May Be an Option
I truly believe that the above reasons are the only times divorce is warranted.
However, there are other issues that obviously impact a marriage and a person’s decisions to stay in it. But just because a marriage encounters them doesn’t mean divorce should result. These are issues where a resolution might be reached.
For some this is an automatic deal breaker. Not for me. I believe infidelity is grounds for divorce only if the spouse is in love with the other lover. But if the cheating spouse wants to make amends, understands how much they messed up, and is willing to roll up their sleeves and prove their love for their husband or wife? Then I believe in second chances.
• Addictions like drugs, alcohol and gambling.
Addictions can be overcome. Not always, but before you automatically throw in the towel, every effort should be made to lick the addiction and cure the spouse. Your bond will only be the stronger for such an accomplishment.
• No longer physically attracted.
Sex is important in a marriage, and if it’s the only reason you got together, then, yes, divorce is inevitable. But if it’s a matter of a dry spell and you still enjoy each other’s companionship? Wait, experiment, get counseling…do whatever you can to rekindle the physical part but don’t abandon ship all together if it’s still worth rowing.