A group of moms get together with their preschoolers for an afternoon of fun and fellowship. We envision good conversation and happy playing children laughing in the background. Sometimes it does not work out and instead of laughing there is crying. One child pulled another child’s hair or took another child’s toy. Another child said something mean to a child and now tears are flowing. Perhaps one child in particular is a problem with hitting, spitting, or taking toys. These are sure fire ways to bring an end to a happy play date. A play date loses its purpose if the children are fighting and there is tension between the moms. Yet, whenever you gather a group of people together something will eventually happen. Expect tears and know how to handle it.
Don’t take it personal: If your child is the one to fall victim to an incident or the one to cause it do not take it personally. Children will be children and they lack the discernment to interact harmoniously all the time. Try to remain objective and see any incidence as an opportunity to teach both parties how to behave in social situations. Try not to allow this to become a wedge in your friendship with the other mom. We all have a lot of pride when it comes to our children but that pride will cause us many afternoons home alone.
It is okay to say something: If your child or other children are being harmed or treated poorly by a child it is okay to discuss the issue. It is unfair to the child at fault to go unpunished. The child should never be taught poor behavior is okay. It is also unfair to the mom if she is unaware of a problem with her child. You take away her ability to parent her child if you keep an incidence from her. If the child persists with poor behavior until the rest of the group just cannot take it then the reaction to the child’s mom could seem hostile. Emotions will be running high and the mom will feel as if she has been talked about behind her back. Now the situation has taken a turn and the focus may not be solely on her child making another cry. She will become defensive and bad feelings will be the result. If a child is truly a problem then notify the mom in a loving manner. Tell her that you would want to know if it were your child and you only felt it fair to her and her child to see the matter resolved. Let her know that you understand the other children are not perfect and it just so happens this time it was her child. Her pride will be nicked so do not take it personally if she reacts defensively. Approach her by herself or with one other person. If you take this matter before the entire group she will feel alienated. Try to think of how you would want to be informed if your child was causing some trouble.
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