For the vast majority of couples, the husband’s presence in the delivery room is taken for granted. Gone are the days when the father to be would sit in the waiting room, smoking cigars and waiting for news about the baby. For the past few generations, fathers have been welcomed into the delivery room and have taken an active role in helping their wives cope during labor.
There are still some men out there who would love to go back to those days. For a variety of reasons, these men have no desire to witness the birth of their children. This fact causes disharmony in homes when the men inform their wives that they don’t wish to be present during the birth.
If your partner has told you that he doesn’t want to be at the birth, you may feel hurt or upset. There are a few ways you can handle this situation. A knee jerk reaction would be to tell him in no uncertain terms that he WILL be present for the birth. After all, you don’t have a choice, so why should he?
This is probably not the best way to handle the situation. He will most likely do one of two things. He may dig in his heels and flat out refuse to participate. In this case, there is very little you can do to change his mind. He may go against his will, but he will probably be of little help or no help at all.
The best scenario is having the father present and the father wanting to be there. Anything less will leave you upset and frustrated at the time when you need to be focused on bringing your baby into the world.
Talk to your partner and try to determine why he doesn’t want to be there. Men have a wide variety of reasons for these feelings. If he insists that he just doesn’t want to be there or you can’t discuss it without a fight, consider seeing a counselor. Your partner’s mind may not be changed, but you will be able to work through the issue with help and without damaging your relationship.
He may change his mind as the pregnancy progresses, but he may not. If not, you will need to make a decision. You can continue to fight him, but this will ultimately leave you stressed. You don’t need this when you are pregnant. If nothing can change his mind, you may want to find another coach. The purpose of the coach is to support you during labor. You need a reliable person who is willing and able to take on this role, even if it isn’t the baby’s father.
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Involving Your Partner in the Pregnancy