As a parent, it really can make a huge difference how we talk to our children—not only what we are saying to them, but how we go about saying. I am of the opinion that there are words and communication strategies that help and those that just make things worse…
Confrontational language like “You better!” or “You better not!” is language that tends to be combative and invite disobedience. I also think that the more “negative” words you use when you talk with your child the more likely it is that the conversation or interaction will take a negative turn. I learned in a business marketing class that presenting things from a positive slant has a much more positive influence on people. “Please do this” works far better than “Don’t do that.”
Language and words that threaten or taunt coming from a parent are generally unproductive as well: “I would not do that if I was you” or “You will get it if you don’t stop.” What does that actually mean? Many children will “push the envelope” simply because they have no idea what you are saying but it sounds as though you are taunting and they are supposed to react by calling your “bluff.”
When in doubt, think about what works and doesn’t work for YOU. How do you like to be spoken to? What sort of language or words cause you to respond well and what makes you angry or insights you to be defensive? Even though our children might be young, they are still people and they do respond one way to positive communication techniques and another way to negative techniques. The language and words you choose when you parent may be making your child’s behavior worse instead of prompting the behavior changes you are striving for.
Also: Talk Softly…And They Just Might Listen
Is Your Method of Discipline Working?