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I know I’m constantly railing against letting the often-inaccurate media have too much influence over our marriages and our approaches to romance. One of the reasons why I harp on about it so much is because I’m talking to myself as much, if not more, than I am to others.
I’m a worrywart; it’s one of my least favorite facets of my personality but one I know I have to acknowledge and for which I have to watch out. There’s little that I can’t manage to fret over, and whether or not I’m going about my relationship with my husband “correctly” is something that passes through my mind on occasion.
Sometimes when I see constant grand gestures on television or hear people I know talking about exchanging anniversary or Valentine’s presents, I start to wonder if I’m doing it right. Am I not putting enough emphasis on romance in my marriage?
Do Jon and I take too laid back of an approach to romance in our marriage? Is our casual attitude toward it going to cause problems later, when we have less time for each other or just once we’ve been together for longer?
Whenever I start to wonder about this I always have to force myself to take a step back. I remind myself I’m not even allowed to look at weather.com anymore because their alarmist weather alerts freak me out too much. So I tell myself: pull back, look at the problem logically, and sort your trademark worry out from where you might have legitimate concerns.
After doing all of this (in relation to whether or not I’m going about my marriage in the “right” way), I always end up at the same conclusion: it’s fine. It’s fine because Jon and I are really good at communicating our wants and needs (or at least we have been so far). When I do want to go out or be spoiled I say so, and Jon makes it happen. If he ever wants the same (which is rarer than a blue moon; this is a boy who doesn’t even want birthday presents from me or his parents or anyone), or anything at all, he speaks up too.
I ask myself: are you happy? Is your husband happy as well? I know I am and I’m sure he is, and I ask him just to be certain. As long as we’re truthful with one another, constantly keeping open that line of communication, then all is well. If what we have makes us happy, then picking at it is what’s going to hurt things, not a perceived idea of incorrectness.
I know I’m sort of cycling back around to the point I made in my very first marriage blog: we do it differently, but no one human being is alike and there are varied but legitimate ways to go about a healthy relationship. I just wanted to admit that even I doubt that sometimes; I know I’ve made everything seem like it’s easy but like all great things it can be a struggle sometimes. As long as we stay honest and give each other what the other one wants, staying open to the possibility that in the future we may have to shift our marriage dynamic, we’ll be fine.
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*(The above image by Archipoch is from freedigitalphotos.net).