From the time I was little I have always been referred to as something my mother calls a “people pleaser.” I make decisions based on what is going to make other people happy. While caring about other people’s happiness is indeed a wonderful quality, the problem arises when you care so much about other people’s happiness that you lose sight of your own. When you are no longer able to stand up for yourself and your wants and needs because you are so afraid of what others might think, a new kind of dilemma occurs. This is something I have struggled with my entire life and something I continue to fight against on a daily basis.
As I was talking to my little sister about this very issue last night she pulled out a letter our brother had sent her just this week. He reminded her that no matter what you do, you can’t please everyone. Sometimes no is the right answer. You have to take care of you. You are the one that has to live with the decisions you make. You have to trust yourself enough to make the right ones, even if people disagree sometimes. In the end it doesn’t really matter what other people think of you, it matters what you think of yourself.
This is a concept that I have struggled with on many occasions since my divorce over a year and a half ago. I make decisions based on what will cause the least tension with my ex because I am so afraid of what he or his family may think of me. They are going to think whatever they want to think, whether it is the truth or not, but like my brother said in his letter, in the end, it doesn’t really matter what they think of me. What matters is what I think of myself. If I know that I am doing the best that I can for me and my son then that is what matters. Don’t let yourself make decisions based on your fears of what others may think of you. This is your life, it’s time to start living it.