The truth is, no relationship is 100% perfect and no relationship works out exactly the way you want it too. This doesn’t mean you can’t have a great relationship that lasts the rest of your life and it doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship fail or become so difficult that one partner or the other elects to abandon that relationship. But if your spouse wants a divorce and you don’t – how you behave and cope with it is going to have a very real impact.
Don’t Push Them Away
When things go wrong though, we are more likely to push away the person who is rejecting us out of self-defense. Instinctively, we react badly to those we love when they are reacting badly to us. In an ideal world, when we want someone to stay we are willing to create a place where they will want to be. We will create the environment that will bring them comfort.
I remember hearing a wife describe once that her duty was to provide a place of rest and comfort for her spouse. When a friend challenged her description – the friend feeling defensive of her liberties as a woman, the wife just laughed at her. In a relationship, we are equals and there is no need for women’s rights or men’s rights. The wife believed it was her duty to provide this place of rest and comfort and it was her husband’s duty to embrace her and it – and to share it with her. In that manner – they could both give and receive comfort from each other.
You Can’t Force Someone To Want You
This is a lesson we all learn sometime through the trials and tribulations of our teenage years. We can’t make someone fall in love with us and we can’t make them want to be with us forever. All we can do is to treat them in the way we would have them treat us and to create for them what we want them to create for us.
You can do this by always making sure they feel appreciated, accepted and loved for exactly who and what they are, no more and no less. You also have to give them their freedom, you have to accept that part of loving them is letting them choose to be with you and letting them choose to not be. It follows that old phrase of — if you love something, let it go; if they love you, it will return to you.
As counter-intuitive as this may seem when you are willing to let someone go, you are creating the very atmosphere and environment that will invite them to stay and be with you. The more you cling to something, the more it will try to slip through your fingers. So if your spouse wants a divorce and you don’t, all you can do is love them and be willing to let them go – you never know – it may very well be that that attitude will entice them to remain as you create the very environment that releases fear, resentment and anger.
Do you love your spouse enough to let him go?