Blending families is difficult all by itself, but try adding a baby to the mix and you might just find yourself back at square one with the dynamics of the family. Having a baby is a complex time for anyone but in a blended family it involves to parents and several children who aren’t actually blood related. Here are a few more tips to keep your family grounded during this blessed event, while still handling the issues that are sure to ensue.
All Children are Special
This is important to remember. While you might be expecting a child of your own that will feel very new and special to you – the other children that were there first matter a lot. It is important to maintain a bond with these children, make special time for them and include them in the happy news. Perhaps they could help you decorate the room, go shopping for clothing, bedding or other items. Even if they don’t live with you full-time, they are going to need reassurance, bonding time and reminders that they matter.
You Do Not Have Built in Babysitters
Even if you have older children, as in any family it is not fair to assume you have built in babysitters. Children should not be expected to be surrogate parents. There is nothing wrong with asking the older child or teen to watch their baby brother or sister once in awhile, but do not expect the children to be caring for the baby. If they are offering to help, this is great and should be encouraged. Forcing the child to bond with the baby is not going to work and should be avoided. It often builds resentment and anger.
Avoid Proclaiming Who’s Who
More than likely at some point you will be asked in front of the children who belongs to who. The best answer to this, is “They all belong to us”, or “They are all ours”. If you wish to continue on, because the persistent person is going to keep asking, say it like this: “Well, they all belong to us. Sam and Kristen have their dad’s genes, and Molly and Sarah have my genes and little Adam shared both of our genes.” This should pretty much answer the questions they were wanting to know without making any child self-conscious about not belonging to both of you. It is important to make all children feel a total part of the family no matter who they came from and where they live.
If you would like to read the first part of this article, it can be found here. You can find more articles for blended families in this section.
Have you gone through this yet? Have you had an “ours” in a yours and mine situation? We’d love to hear about your experiences.