centraloregonmom's comments

Almost Six Years Old, or Only Five Years Here?--More Adoption Time Muddles - Blog Entry

02 Nov 2008 08:00 PM

It is so hard to measure where they will be down the road. Honestly, if you'd asked me 5 years ago about her academic success, we would have never DREAMED she'd be completely mainstreamed (regardless of her retention status, mainstream is mainstream). There are days I wish she still qualified for special services (she just barely doesn't anymore), but I think her current situation is better for her psychological/emotional well-being. I can't even imagine what she will have accomplished before 5th grade :-) Just goes to show you it is best to look at each child as individuals... and to make sure your school does, too. I do wish I had more options, but where we live there are not a lot of choices of alternative schools. So, we make due with what we have, and we stay very involved with her teacher.

Almost Six Years Old, or Only Five Years Here?--More Adoption Time Muddles - Blog Entry

30 Oct 2008 04:41 PM

We had fully expected our daughter to repeat kindergarten. Like you, we had dealt with so many late milestones, we just wanted her to be around "typical" kids her own age and see if she could meet the challenge. By the end of the year, we talked it over with her teacher... she was surprised we would even ask about repeating, she was doing great. However, by the end of first grade she had fallen behind again and we were forced to make the difficult decision to have her "retained." (don't you just love the school district's PC terminology?!) She started 2nd grade this year, and we now know that repeating 1st grade was the BEST thing we could have done. Yes, she is now the oldest in her class... but, like your daughter, she is quite petite and is finally the same size as her peers (she always hated being the smallest in her class). She is certainly not at the head of her class... but she's also not at the bottom, anymore!

Another Time for Letting Go - Blog Entry

04 Sep 2008 08:48 PM

With my daughter being so premature, it's so hard to envision exactly how small 1#10oz is. I have no pictures of her before about 4 months old and we didn't meet her until she was 8 mos. So, when I've seen magazine/newspaper photos of premies about that small, I keep them- for my sake and hers when she's older. It was really hard when she asked me recently if she was "this" type of baby or "that." It's so hard to have to say, "I don't know, sweetie... I've heard you were..."

Adoption Education for Teens - Blog Entry

02 Aug 2008 09:18 PM

Wow, really "droessle"? This particular string has gone from interesting to truly hurtful. For the record, I've never seen "Juno" and have no clue the reference you're making. To make blanket statements about adoptive parents like "If you can't have children, for whatever reason, just live with it" tells me you are the one who needs to do your research. At least two of us who have commented here have biological children but have chosen to give a family to a child in need instead of allowing them to languish in foster care. My 2 kids are extremely close (emotionally) to each other, regardless of their biological make-up or their skin color. We weren't "scheming to take other people's kids." I sleep just fine at night with the decisions I've made for my family, and love looking at photos of our crazy family. I'm sorry not everyone can say the same and must resort to trash talking on an anonymous blog.

Adoption Education for Teens - Blog Entry

31 Jul 2008 06:45 PM

It is difficult to read the pain so many have suffered, and even more difficult to realize that it is the children who are caught in the middle of this entire argument. Children are not possessions to be bartered with, traded or purchased. I did not purchase my daughter, and she was not "taken" for the benefit of some adoption agency. She had a birth mom who was young and unable to care for a child with so many health problems. She was not convinced by malicious caseworkers to "give up" her child. Law enforcement was involved and had no choice but to remove her from an unhealthy situation. She did her best to try and to parent, but at 17 with a toddler already at home she chose to do what was best for her, her other child and the baby, eventually relinquishing her to the custody of the state. Yes, she is very different from us, I have written here before of our struggles with making sure she feels loved, respected, special and beautiful because of and in-spite of our differences. Yes, she misses her birth mom, not because she ever had a relationship with her, but I think she misses the concept of her. We make sure she knows that she has 2 families that love her deeply, but unfortunately we all have to live with the choices that others make. Again, these are only the experiences of MY family. I am under no illusion that adoption is perfect or the same for everyone. I also understand that every family is unique and unperfect no matter how their children joined the family.

Adoption Education for Teens - Blog Entry

30 Jul 2008 04:57 PM

I try to sympathize with previous posters who have obviously been hurt by the adoption process. However, their anger is also "one sided." What about those of us adoptive parents who have been the ones trying to enforce open adoption agreements? In our case it is the birth mother who has made the decision to discontinue contact, to the dismay of all of us- mostly our daughter. Yes, she wasn't left with much of a choice- she was unable to parent a special needs child despite her best efforts- but we did attempt to keep in touch. In ALL these cases it is the child who suffers because of the choices of the adults in their life.

I often read the postings here, and am offended that Pam's OPINIONS would be considered "misleading" or "one sided"... opinions and experiences are what they are. I applaud Pam for being open and honest about her experiences as an adoptive parent in the U.S. When a birth mother who has given up a child for adoption wants to moderate a blog, I bet many would applaud her efforts as well.

Let's Educate Our Youth about Adoption! - Blog Entry

23 Jul 2008 03:09 PM

The best thing about your suggestion is that it would also encourage kids to learn about service opportunities. They should know these organizations exist in case they ever need to use them, but should also get familiar in case they are interested in helping others through volunteer work!

Preparing for a Family Reunion - Blog Entry

01 Jul 2008 04:26 PM

aside from my daughter and nephew, my grandmother and three of my cousins are also adopted... my sister and I joke that adoption runs in our family :-)

My young cousins were sitting at the kids table along with my and my sister's kids at a holiday get-together several years ago. My nephew chimes up with, "Raise your hand if you're adopted!" Only two didn't raise their hands... they looked so sad not to be included!

Preparing for a Family Reunion - Blog Entry

30 Jun 2008 04:25 PM

Our family reunion is coming up in just 3 weeks... thanks for the reminder that these events can be an annual reminder of the child's differences. I will say that I am so grateful for my nephew... not only because he's a wonderful kid, but also because he is bi-racial and adopted just like my daughter - and they both have siblings that were born into the family. It makes it easier that at least they are two "brown islands in a sea of blond cousins" :-)

Book Review: Adoption is a Family Affair--What Family and Friends Must Know - Blog Entry

30 Jun 2008 04:20 PM

Sounds like a great gift idea for the Grandparents-to-be (or aunts, uncles, cousins)!

One of the most unintentionally hurtful comments made during our adoption was said by my sister-in-law. We were active in the adoption process for our daughter, who we had an existing relationship with, when we found out we were pregnant. When we were sharing the exciting news (only a month after sharing the first news of the impending adoption), she asked, "what does that mean for [our daughter]?" The tone/implication was that we would stop the process since we were having "one of our own." I was shocked and wanted to blurt out, "did you give up on your first son when you found out you were pregnant with your second?!" But, I was much nicer, simply stating "Well, I guess she'll have a brother or sister joining her soon!" Extended families SHOULD dive into the process right along with the adoptive parents... unfortunately a lot of times it just doesn't happen.