centraloregonmom's commentsComments On: EverythingArticles Blogs Journals Photos created by: Everyonecentraloregonmom Wild Horses Couldn't Drag Me Away from You (and Neither Can Dentists) - Blog Entry23 Jun 2008 07:58 PM I'm glad you found a true specialist. I was so nervous to take our daughter to the dentist for the first time, we knew her teeth were bad and we knew she'd need extensive work - not a pleasant thing for a kid who was already "head-shy." She has had speech, feeding and occupational therapy that have all done things around her face, add that to major medical care during her first 3 months involving O2 and other face related treatments and you wouldn't want anyone messing with your teeth either. We were referred to a pediatric specialist who focuses on special needs cases. She was gentle and my daughter liked her from the start. She was very understanding when this toddler nearly vomited in the waiting room anticipating treatment - even though all she'd done (or was going to do) was count her teeth! Over a year later, when it was time to tackle those decaying teeth, the dentist suggested doing it at a hospital with an anesthesiologist so that she wouldn't remember the trauma. It was successful and she has thought positively about the dentist ever since (no pain and she magically woke up with beautiful teeth!). I was never thrilled about how that Dr. talked to me, but I didn't care when she was so good with my daughter - never threatening and always explaining everything. We have since moved and were forced to change dentists. We go to a regular family dentist now, but that start has allowed her to be "a big girl" and she wants to go in for cleanings all by herself! Just Like Mom - Blog Entry12 Jun 2008 07:38 PM A friend was "picking my brain" about adoption the other day... they were considering adding to their family. We got into a discussion about how an outsider may see the major physical differences between my daughter and the rest of our family, she asked if that was difficult for any of us or awkward to answer questions about. I told her I find myself finding more and more similarities everyday. After all, I was an 8 year old little girl growing up in a family, once too. I get frustrated with the way she is sometimes... then I realize I WAS THE SAME in many ways! I talk with my mother about how my daughter doesn't like the clothes I want her to wear, she doesn't want to play with the Barbies she's been given, she's not a "girlie girl." My mom just laughs and tells me how glad she is that I have to deal with it all, just like she did with me. It just reminds me that: No she doesn't share my genes, but in some ways that's not so bad (like you, I have an extensive family medical history I'm glad I'm not passing to her). But, in so many ways the last 6 years with us has been enough for her to pick up our mannerisms, hobbies and other things that make it more and more obvious that on the INSIDE she is a true member of this family... and isn't that what really matters anyway?! A Caution About Introducing Children to Other Cultures - Blog Entry20 Apr 2008 01:26 PM When I was growing up we hosted exchange students nearly every year after about the 5th grade. They were mostly from Japan, but we also had one from Guatemala and one from Costa Rica, along with a couple of exchange police officers from Monaco. They shared their traditional culture along with their 20th/21st century life. It was a wonderful way to get us enthused about learning about other countries, not just the "tourist" version. Because of those visits (some for extended stays), my sister and I both spent time studying abroad, learning - first hand - how they lived. My husband and I have agreed we will do the same for our kids, but want to wait until they are old enough to understand the purpose of the students' visits. Whether they want to study abroad, as I did, will be up to them - but I hope they will consider it! At Last: The Conclusion to the Heritage Report Odyssey! - Blog Entry13 Apr 2008 02:30 PM That is soooo wonderful, and encouraging for those of us not quite to that stage in our kids' education! Everything in God's timing, right?! Heritage Report, Take Three - Blog Entry08 Apr 2008 05:22 PM I, too, struggle with wanting to be the "poster-family" for adoption or inter-racial families. But, the issues you are referring to - struggling to not interfere too much, wanting her to do it differently (the way YOU would do it) - are no different than the issues we also deal with with our bio-kids (I'm sure you've struggled with your son!)... I think we just aren't as conscious about it. Good Luck! Reading and Thinking about Birthmothers - Blog Entry28 Jan 2008 07:33 PM Birth grandparents and birth-dad are completely out of the picture. Without going into detail, they would not be appropriate to visit with, even if they had expressed an interest at some point. At this point, I wonder if it would have been easier to not have the contract we have. If she had never had visits, then she wouldn't notice something missing? But then, I think back and remember why we did it in the first place - for her. And when she's older, I think she will appreciate that she does have those early pictures, and hopefully at some point b-mom will be ready to re-connect... if for no other reason than for the sibs. Or, at some point the kids will all be adults, and they will be able to track each other down. I have promised she can write a letter by the end of this year (partly an incentive for her to work on her handwriting), and I intend to keep that promise... but tracking down where to send it is going to be a challenge - I guess I didn't promise it'd actually be received. Yes, some sort of children's book addressing these issues would be nice... but it isn't exactly the positive side of adoption, and how do you "spin" it with nice watercolor drawings and poetry? Guess I'm just feeling a bit cynical tonight. Reading and Thinking about Birthmothers - Blog Entry21 Jan 2008 03:37 PM We recently borrowed "Did My First Mother Love Me" from our local library (in fact our local library has compiled helpful lists of children's books on various topics including adoption, divorce, and losing a pet). My daughter has talked a lot about her birth mother lately, I think at the age of 7, she has noticed that her yearly visits with her birthmother have stopped. The book was helpful, she is old enough to understand that it is not HER story, but similar and we talked about the differences. It helped facilitate the discussion that her birthmom did/does love her, even though she is making a choice to not see her. I do think there is a downside to the open discussions about birth parents, in that as adults, we don't have all the answers to their difficult questions. I'm glad she knows she can ask them, but how do you answer your little girl when she asks why her birth mom doesn't want to see her? Is It Okay to be Choosy? Part One - Blog Entry10 Dec 2007 02:09 PM Every child is in equal need of a loving home - I am certainly for making sure those children with the "special needs" label aren't overlooked, but is it reverse descrimination to overlook the seemingly healthy ones? Shouldn't we be praising any and every parent who is willing and able to love the CHILD not the label?! Great Expectations - Blog Entry26 Nov 2007 07:25 PM I have often pondered this same issue... I find myself, not only accepting my daughter's special needs, but now questioning the "experts" who insist she is doing better! When we were going through the adoption process we were inundated with medical information on all of her "issues", to the point of just expecting there would be more to come. As she's grown, her occupational therapist has finally come to the conclusion that she no longer needs OT - a shock, when the therapist has been a constant source of support! We have leaned on these experts over the last 5 years, and suddenly find ourselves without weekly visits to OT or the monthly visits to the pediatrician. It's exciting that she is doing so well, but scary that we no longer have all the experts watching over us, assuring us that we are doing the right thing! I keep their numbers on speed dial... just in case :-) On your point, when the decision was made to have her repeat the first grade this year, we were very accepting. It was a difficult decision, but one we expected might be a possibility when she started school (we actually thought it would be kindergarten). If, sometime down the road, a teacher suggests we should hold back our birth-son, it would be a surprise, and therefore a much more difficult decision... it's all about expectations. Is It Right to Sever Family Ties? - Blog Entry30 Sep 2007 07:33 PM I don't know about other states, but in Oregon we also have "permanent foster care". It is usually reserved for special circumstances when a child is considered either "unadoptable" or the state cannot legally terminate, but returning a child to their birthfamily is not an option. I have been apart of the lives of two different children who were in permanent foster care - where a judge has ordered the child remain in state's custody, but must remain with the same foster family - in both cases, the children were terminally ill and were most likely not aware of the circumstances... just that they were in a loving home (both were instances of abuse). I think this is pretty close to what the author is talking about, and in these special cases it was a necissary step. But, it also forces the child into a "no man's land" of belonging - not quite a part of a permanent family. A child needs to know they belong, and taking on a new last name is a public statement of that belonging. |
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