centraloregonmom's commentsComments On: EverythingArticles Blogs Journals Photos created by: Everyonecentraloregonmom Somebody Meant This To Be - Blog Entry28 Sep 2007 06:42 AM Isn't amazing how God provides us with the perfect partner? I, too, had grown up "knowing" I would be a foster parent, like my folks, but never really thought about adopting. When I was dating my husband, I shared this with him, he agreed to consider it, but hadn't been exposed to it until meeting me. In fact, his only experience with adoption wasn't exactly positive when a family member gave up a child for adoption. A few years after we were married we met our daughter... My husband was the first to say that we should try for her, this time it was my turn to be convinced. I've never regretted a minute of it! Strangers to our Own - Blog Entry20 Sep 2007 02:49 PM A perfect example as to why a transition is ideal if at all possible! Spend as much time as possible with the current care-giver if you can, the information can be priceless! Toddler Brutally Murdered by His Father - Blog Entry20 Sep 2007 02:46 PM I have had personal experience with the victims of this kind of abuse. In several cases, because the child lived (in varying degrees ranging from persistent vegitative state to handicapped but somewhat functional), the perp (in most cases the father) was only charged with assault. In one case, the boy, who was beaten at the age of 3 months, lived to be 8 years old nearly a vegetable. The father was due to be released from prison about that same time and the DA refused to re-prosecute, this time for murder, because they couldn't get the ME to say the boy died as a result of his injuries. Until the legal system can adjust to the increasing brutality of these incidents, nothing will change. Responses to the Closing of Countries to Outside Adoption - Blog Entry20 Sep 2007 02:39 PM Re: "Many adopters believe that they cannot parent a child with special needs." When we adopted our daughter through the state's foster care system, more than a few friends commented on how "wonderful" we were to take on a child with special needs-Occasionally we still hear this. My response then, and now, is this: If you got pregnant with a child and when it was born you found out it had special needs, do you love it any less? No, you learn how to care for that child because you love that child, he or she is your own. Our adoption was no different. The things we do to help our daughter are part of our daily routine, and often forget that she is considered "special needs" because she is our own. I think people considering adoption sometimes forget that EVERY adopted child comes with issues, just by the sake of being adopted, even if they haven't received the "special needs" label. The label just provides a warning, but again, there are no "for sures" in parenting, whether it be through biology or adoption. Mixed Media Messages about Adoption Issues - Blog Entry01 Sep 2007 04:55 PM We took our kids to "Meet the Robinsons" along with my sister, niece and nephew (also an adoptee). We were surprised to find out that the main theme was adoption! It amazes me that a big outfit like Disney was either afraid or ashamed of claiming this fact in the multitude of previews and trailers we saw before watching the movie. It did catch us off guard, especially to see some of the negative aspects portrayed so blatantly. In the end, though, it had a nice message we chose to focus on - that being adopted (or an "orphan") does not mean you can't accomplish great things, you can change the world. We also tried to make sure the kids understood it was just fiction. I didn't feel the same about "Country Bears" (what is it with Disney?!) - again being caught off-guard by the premise. My daughter hasn't asked yet, she just really likes the music. But if she does bring it up, I plan to talk with her about the secrecy involved in that movie. To point out the differences between those adoptive parents, who are obviously waaay crazy, and that it is a great example of how secrets don't have any place in a family. Talking About Tough Issues: Abandonment - Blog Entry25 Aug 2007 06:33 PM Speaking to both this posting and the previous one... I think it is so important to make sure that our children know and really understand the circumstances around their birth and subsequent adoption. After reading some of the same books you site, I realize that the information with give our children gives them permission to be who they are, and not try to conform to who they thing we want them to be. One of the things I've started to talk with my 7 year old about (taking the suggestion of age appropriate discussions) is how sometimes adults make choices that effect more than just that person, and sometimes those might be choices we don't like. Asking her to think of some choices she's made that I didn't like helps her to humanize her birthmom who has made a "choice" not to maintain contact. Book Review: Making Sense of Adoption by Lois Ruskai Melina - Blog Entry15 Aug 2007 01:07 PM Coincidentally, I also just finished reading this wonderful book. I wish I'd read it about a year ago before my daughter started asking questions I wasn't sure how to answer. A couple other parts of the book I found incredibly insightful: Examples of age appropriate responses to questions (something I've struggled with) - at seven years old my daughter is not ready to hear every detail (some painful) of her birth, but the author focuses on making sure that what we do choose to tell our kids when they are young should NEVER contradict the truth they will hear when they are old enough to understand. Also, she has a section (small, but there nonetheless) for those of us who also have birth children at home... to make sure that in our quest to share our adopted kids' birth/adoption stories, we don't neglect sharing how much we love and cherish what we have with our birth children. Sometimes I think it's easy to just assume they know they are loved just as much as our "chosen children" (a term the author is quick to point out is not as great as we'd like to think). "I Don't Like My Skin" - Blog Entry11 Aug 2007 03:42 PM Thanks for the suggestion, I'll keep my eyes peeled! I Don't Like My Skin, Part Two - Blog Entry10 Aug 2007 07:59 PM In my opinion, having not yet dealt with this exact situation, I think you handled it the way I would have (doesn't that make you feel better?! :-)). Because there is no way to make her skin just like yours or her dad's, I think the only thing you could do is focus on her beauty. Besides, even between caucasians there is no one "white". My husband is much darker complected than I, even though we are both of European decent. I think the best thing we can do with our daughters at this point is to boost their self confidence and self awareness, so they understand that they are different, that can't be changed, but they are beautiful in our eyes, in their own eyes and most importantly - in God's eyes! "I Don't Like My Skin" - Blog Entry09 Aug 2007 07:49 PM Don't forget Jasmine (from Aladdin)... I've always thought my daughter looked a lot like the princess from the the east (especially when she had long hair!). I also struggle to find appropriate "girlie" toys that resemble my daughter. |
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