confusedandinlove's commentsComments On: Everything Articles Blogs Journals Photos created by: Everyoneconfusedandinlove Are you a Controlling Spouse?11 Jun 2008 11:44 AM Just to clarify, I immediately apologized and kept telling her that this had gotten out of control. After trying to speak with her multiple times that day and into the evening I gave up. I can't grovel for something that I really feel is both our fault. Besides, she started saying "that's how all abusers sound." How do you react to that? This is not the first time something like this has happened. Unfortunately, I have had to repair things in the house from previous outbursts - doors, cabinets, coffe cups nor is it the first time she has said she was going to leave. Most of our argruments help us grow because we can talk through it. I'll admit that I am not a saint but when I was threatened by her getting in my face and screaming I reacted by pushing her away. We are both the babies in our families and she agrees that she was spoiled by her "daddy." I tend to argue points and so does she but I'm wondering after 16 years of marriage how something like this can continue to occur. I have had others females friends suggest that this is a premenopausal thing. If this is the case, will it pass. The issue obviously is not the vehicle. I'm guessing that she felt I was trapping her into a decision and therefore I became the "controller." In contrast, she has always been the one to do the family budget and decide on the way of fixing minor family issues. I usually accept the decisions and follow lead. Are you a Controlling Spouse?11 Jun 2008 08:52 AM I need to know what to do. The other day my wife and I were discussing buying her a vehicle. She told me whe wanted something safe that gets good mileage so we researched some cars and found one that was affodable, got good mileage, and was listed by the NHTSB as one of the best. I, without her knowing it, went a test drove the car. I promptly called her and told her how nice it was and that I thought it would be a great care to purchase. At first she was pleased however as we continued to discuss our options she changed. She began to challenge the specs on the car. I attempted to explain that when I drove it, it felt safe and secure and wanted her to drive it. She agreed but because the dealership is about 30 miles from our home, this never happened. I noticed in the next few days that she was researching other vehicles, some much more expensive. When I queried about this she said that she wanted something bigger. Not wanting to box her in I agreed to look at what she had found. These other bigger vehicles did not get the good mileage and were significantly more money. I questioned her about budget and mileage and as to why she felt that bigger was better when the safety of the smaller vehicle was proven. This apparently was considered a controlling thing in her part and turned into more than a discussion. Finally, I told her that if she wanted to look at other vehicals taht was fine but to remember that we still need to be able to pay for it. I also told her that I didn't care which vehicle she picked but to keep in mind what we had talked about when the topic first came up. Over the next few days, things settled down until 2 days ago. I came home from work and was challenged over the specs of the car I had driven. I immediately told her that I didn't care about which car she wanted but reiterated taht we have to be able to pay for it. That's when all hell broke loose. Ultimately this turned into one of the worst fights that we have had. What was initally a discussion became a challenge on my reasonability and responsibility. I felt spited. She began yelling and I began defending my reasons. She got into my face (about an inch off of my nose) and was screaming as loud as she could. I reacted and pushed away from me and immediately retreated. From there accusations of abuse started and she said she was going to divorce me. We are still in the quiet stage after the fight and I have just kept my distance. What should I do? |
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