confusedmc's comments

Postpartum depression: Effects on the marriage - Blog Entry

02 Apr 2009 01:52 PM

amcvanegas & beth, thank you for the advice. Since my last post, I returned home to my parents'. While emptying out our condo, my wife called me and she began crying over the phone saying the situation was hard for her and I told her that this didnt have to be this way and we could work on trying to save our marriage. She stayed quiet and we continued to move everything out. One day when she came to pick up the baby, she told me she was in no rush to be divorced, and that if I wanted to wait until after July to file for divorce, to do it then. (in July I go to an overseas trip that pays you more if youre married) She said we can wait to file divorce so I can get more $ on my trip. I told her that at this point I didnt care about the money and that I just want to release her from a marriage where she is obviously unhappy. She said that we could take it one day at a time and see what happens. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and wait until after my trip to see if she comes to her senses. At least so that I know I did everything possible to save my marriage. Meanwhile I have been trying to rekindle the love we had. Sad thing is she doesn't seem too interested. The baby is with me about 4 days out of the week and is with her the other days. It is sad she doesnt spend too much time w/the baby, but there is nothing I can do to force her. Insofar as father's rights, I am pretty much w/my daughter whenever I am not working. I guess this all sounds pathetic, although in my mind I know she is confused and lost and needs some psychiatric attention now! She just refuses to get it. My mother in-law is so lost as well, that she has no idea how to help. And my father in-law has no spine.

Postpartum depression: Effects on the marriage - Blog Entry

16 Jan 2009 11:27 AM

Beth, thank you for your help. I actually spoke to my wife over dinner a couple days ago. Her reason for behaving this way is because she is still upset due to the arguing we had before the wedding regarding planning/preparations/etc for the wedding. I thought alot of couples go thru this type of arguing, but she held on to the grudge. I asked her why she married me, and worst yet, decide to want to get pregnant if her anger toward me was still there? She responded that she thought the feelings would go away, but after 2 1/2 years she is still angry at me because of this. She is also angry because I accused her of cheating on me right after we got married. Right after we got married, and even on our honeymoon, she was texting her boss at work, a man who is already married, and I believe is unhappy in his marriage. They would hang out on nights that I worked, and contined to text each other. One night, while they were hanging out, I asked her if she remembered that she was married, and she got offended. She later told me that her boss friend had convinced her to marry me. In general, she holds such anger and bitterness toward me, she does not even want to try to work it out. I let her know I would be moving out and to please remove the stuff from our home as I would like to rent it out. She later sent me a message saying she was sorry. I responded that I too was sorry our marriage did not work out, but she should not be apologizing to me, as there was an innocent child who wasnt even given a chance to be happy. So now I am in the process of moving out, and then will file from divorce It breaks my heart because my little one will never know what it was like to be happy with both her parents together. My wife didnt even put forth any effort.

i have been told by friends/family members that I am way better off without her. However, I worked very hard for my marriage to work with no success. Worst yet, I am sad that I am not with my little one at every moment like I should be.

Postpartum depression: Effects on the marriage - Blog Entry

14 Jan 2009 12:15 PM

Hi, I would like to get some advice on my situation. My wife and I were married in July 06, and got pregnant on our honeymoon. Soon after, we argued about the dishes and she left me and returned home to her parents. She stayed with her parents until 1 month before she delievered. I tried to have her come home, tried to talk to her with no success, and attended all pre-natal appts. Once she returned she was very bitter toward me and slept on the couch due to the low back pain, and after the delivery she continued to sleep on the couch due to a pre-existing shoulder injury. Her attitude toward me remained very indifferent, and she showed no signs of affection toward me. Last May she was scheduled for shoulder surgery and after the surgery she stayed at her parents' home to recover. It has now been 8 months and she has not returned home. We are living separated and I dont get to spend that much time with my baby and much less my wife, who finds me non-existant. Her ideals are her family (whom she fought with and complained about all the time), the baby, and her friends. She has time for everyone else but me, and I have had it. I have spoken with her parents and when they try to talk to her my wife gets angry. I have tried to talk to her and she just cries but doesnt respond anything. I am to the point where I dont know if another man is in the picture, although she has assured me that there is no other man. I am to the point where I plan to move back to my parents' home and press forward. We havent been intimate in over 2 years and she just doesnt seem to care. Could this be tied to some postpartum depression, or is my marriage now over. We have been seperated longer than we have been married. I am going thru counseling on my own, she refuses to go.