cremix's comments

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother

16 Aug 2009 11:06 PM

Thank you Bear, I really appreciated hearing that. My boyfriend is someone who was my best friend for a very long time. My mom accused me of moving in with him too fast and that I should live at home. She calls him stupid, etc, when he's quite brilliant and successful. He knows that she's afraid he'll see her for what she is and he's taking me away, so she panics.

I feel so achy inside, but I know I have to do this. The pain is in the moment, and once I'm free from it, I'm sure I'll be happier.

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother

16 Aug 2009 10:48 PM

Thank you for the reply Griz! Since my post just a few mere hours ago, I went to my mom's house and decided to be brave.

I started packing me things while she sat only yards away, insulting me in ways I still can't believe. She's done it before, but how can a mother tell her daughter that she is 'trash, a whore, will never amount to anything, etc, etc.' I have no idea, but she did. I'm really upset about it but after about 5 minutes I felt numb, peaceful. I remembered what I read on here about how it isn't me. What she is saying isn't true, and it is part of an obsession with keeping me controlled and manipulated. My step-father was so sweet and helped me pack up my boyfriend's truck, who was not allowed in (my mom says she doesn't know him well enough and swears she'd call the police if he took a step inside). My step-dad is going to help me get the rest of my stuff tomorrow.

When I got back here, and was unloading all my stuff, my mom called me and told me she thinks I have a problem with men. She thinks I seek out their attention and that is why I am the way I am. I know I don't.. The reason I *know* this is because I USED to. When I was younger, I was desperate for a male figure because my father was never around but I have absolved that part of who I am and moved forward.

It hurts, and yes, I do wish my mother would love me the way a mother should, but I know she simply cannot. I keep going to say something about her, but my boyfriend shakes his head and hugs me to get me to stop. There isn't any point in repeating what has already been said a thousand times before: None of her behaviour makes sense, nor will it ever.

How a Narcissist Thinks

16 Aug 2009 06:22 PM

I've read and re-read this. I understand the words, but cannot comprehend how someone could be this way -- but voila! there's my mom. Ugh! I spend so much energy being frustrated but I can't help it... ! I try as I might to find the logic in the behaviour and I can't.

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother

16 Aug 2009 06:20 PM

I just found this thread after browsing the internet. About a year ago, I entered therapy because I was about to turn 23, felt I was incompetent and unintelligent, and hated that I was so depressed so often.

After many sessions with my therapist and her talking to my former therapist, it was uncovered that my mother is not only bi-polar, but suffers NPD. I am, quintessentially, the kind of daughter that emerges from the Nmom mess. All the insecurities and worries that Nmom manipulated me into believing were just delusions and monsters she positioned to keep me near her...

Nmom is incredibly co-dependent, especially on men. She has delusions about her relationships and being praised by men, namely.

The more I read this site, the more I felt a connection with the posts, but still felt so insecure. My mom refuses treatment even for her BPD.

Recently, I began spending increased amounts of time at my boyfriend's apartment, which is about 30 minutes away. I spend most of my time here, understandly at 23, I can do that since I am an adult. I brought my computer here so we could play games together, and I could work while here. Nmom has consistently had fits whenever I refuse to drive home to let her borrow it (even though I leave it there more often than here in attempts to placate her anger).

Unfortunately, it isn't working.

I have tried to break free of her grasp twice before, and every time have ended up returning to her home and feeling more incompetent. I turned down scholarships to college when she insisted I stay with her. It doesn't seem like anybody understands how incredibly hard it is to break free from someone who has spent all 23 years of my life convincing me that I need her so desperately.

My boyfriend tries, but fails. I expend vast amounts of energy being frustrated by her and not understanding the logic behind her behaviour. My friends despise how she behaves and avoid her completely any time I'm at her home. When I do mention moving out, she acts childish and pretends like I can't do it without her (threatens to take away things, etc). My step-father has been with her for 4 or so years, and is depressed because of her.

At this point, he insists I move out because she's 'crazy'. He sleeps in a different room, has been kicked out because he was defending his little brother in an argument, and etc.

I guess my issue is whenever I think I need to leave her, I fear that I'm financially incapable, mentally weak, and not intelligent enough to do so... Despite years and years of being in gifted classes, receiving scholarships, acing my education and impressing colleagues with my talents. Regardless of these 'things', I feel empty and inconsequential.

I've decided to move in with my boyfriend, who insists I do this for my own sanity. I'm so afraid I'm not able to do this. My father lives in Canada and I am not in contact with him for the most part... And lately, I've found that I'm more and more bitter and jealous of those people who have incredible parents, namely their mothers.

I hate to admit it, but I really feel like words of encouragement from people who understand what it is like would help more than my social circle who have said incredible parents.