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16 Sep 2008 08:12 AM The hard road continuesEveryone says that when you lose someone that time will heal. Today is Day 4. Yesterday we met with the Mortuary to begin the process of the memorial services and burial for my Dad. As we pulled up to the building, it was almost surreal, not still fully believing what was happening. There were times of the day when I felt like maybe this is a dream, and in a few minutes, I will awaken and the nightmare will be over. And then there are the times, when I know. I know it is not a dream. I know because the pain in my heart overwhelms me and I cry. I have cried so hard in the last few days. I can't remember every crying this hard where you can't breath. I miss him. It's a funny thing, you know? You forget how much you took for granted that he would be there with me - even though I knew how sick he really was. The grieving process is a hard thing. Everyone reacts so differently. I thought, mistakenly, that I would be able to get through this without a lot of anguish and crying. But it is not to be. I am sad. Very sad at times. I know there will come a time when I can think about him and smile without crying. Just not now. I have pictures of him from just a few weeks ago when he looks like he was ok, but it was just him rallying for everyone. He was like that. He didn't want anyone to worry, or fret, or feel bad for him. He didn't want to be a burden. And the funny thing was, he never was a burden. Even when we spent hours and hours in the hospital together. When we sat at the bedside holding his hand after another surgery or procedure, or when he felt so much pain. My Mom said he smiled at her when he died. He smiled at me the morning before he died, kissed me and told me he loved me. And I loved him too. I still do. And that is why the pain is so great. God gave us the ability to love. And I realize that the ability to love must also come with the ability to grieve, and the ability to heal. There is no timetable for the healing process. There are so many people who are showing us compassion, love and caring. The phone rings a lot. Emails pour in. And the offers for help continue. In time I know, this will get better. They say time heals. So I will soldier on, continuing to grieve, hoping that the healing will come.No comments on this article yet. Be the first to comment! Community Tags cancer, family, loss Discuss this article
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