denisearm's comments

Denying the Father's Role when Mother is a Narcissist - Blog Entry

15 Jun 2009 08:23 AM

I agree, when i first started reading the blogs i felth Beth knew me personally as well. My mother has NPD. I am very knew to blogging but i feel such a need to share because i can relate with all. Last week i buried my father, who died of lung cancer. My father was very much like yours, he would not stick up for his children, he was under my mother's control. I have three sisters and a brother and she has damaged our lives to the point of no return. I am also knew to understanding NPD, but there is no doubt in my mind, my mother has it. It started in our childhood, my mother is a Registered Nurse and she would take just enough pills to black out and get attention from anyone who cared, my father, the neighbors whoever. We were unable to have an opionion, expression, feelings etc.. She verbally and physically abused all the girls, not the boy he was the golden child. We were traumatized by her actions. As we all became teenagers everything got worse. To make a long story short, two sisters turned to drugs and now have mental health issues that are related to the abuse from my mother. I was the go getter, always tryingto gain my mothers attention. But every thing i accomplished i was only let down in the end. My oldest sister was given orders as a child to treat us badly and i believe she picked up some of her ways, My father was the best father you would want, only he would not stand up to my mother. He would make a million excuses for her behavior. He would visit all of us and not tell her, and we would deal with my mother just to visit with with him. She wasnt aware of the relationship he had with us until i read a poem about it at his funeral. He didnt tell anyone he had lung cancer, i think because he knew she was unable to give him the attention he needed, so he waited until the very end,and two months before he died he was hospitalized. When he passed away everything came out after all these years, i blamed her and still do, she allowed him to sit in the hospital with lung cancer while complaining about her needs. The day of the funeral she gave her best performance and everyone was shocked that none of her children cared. I say, it was her final performance. The day of the wake she slammed the door in all her children and grandchildrens face and said, "i dont know why you all came her the food is for the guest". I finally spoke up and she was in shock all she can say was. 'i am your mother". I said so much and it felt wonderful, but i look back and wonder, will it help. now she sits alone with no one. I know it is killing her slowly, and i do have guilt, my sister do not care they say they lived for this day, but after so many years of dealing with this, i finally feel some relieve. unfortunately it took my father's death for this to come to an end, but is it over, she continues to call my sister who is mentally ill because she knows she will pass on information to the rest of us. She is still in the spot light some how. I dont know what else to do. I should be feeling good that i dont have to deal with her anymore. denise