foreign3R's comments

Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

16 Jan 2009 12:39 PM

WOW! Thank you so very much for writing and following up on the Aging NPD Parent. I found this blog while looking for advice: Today Adult Protective Services started investigating me.

My undiagnosed NPD 82-year-old mom has nearly destroyed my older sister's marriage, has driven my family to near homelessness, and now she might get me jailed!

My crime: I finally had enough and told her she would have to arrange taxi rides to her appointments. Hopefully, I can persuade the investigator to close the case.

My mother is comparatively wealthy, lives in a nice spotless house, is able to cook, has daily visitors (medical) and callers, and even drives herself (she shouldn't) to go shopping.

Not knowing about NPD, I uprooted my family, my wife quit her medical practice, we sold our possessions, and moved our kids 3000 miles to rent an unaffordable house next door so we could feed mom and drive her around daily. We expected, wrongly, that she would see value in our assistance, and help us financially while we helped her.

Of course, this left no time for finding work, and my in-laws have graciously paid many of our bills for six months. My mother, however, just takes, never gives, just complains, and hasn't a nice word to say to anyone.

On one occasion she gave us a $5000 gift which she vehemently required us to take, demanded that we not refuse it, and then insisted that it be used only to get a license to open a medical practice. Of course, we couldn't afford to open a practice, couldn't refuse the gift, and we spent the money on food for our children and rent.

As we sank into poverty and faced eviction, still my mother cared not a whit.

Eventually I realized I had to cut her out of my life, so I told her she would need to take a taxi. That night she asked me to drive her to the ER - which she requests about every 6 weeks or so.

The next day, Adult Protective Services is on my doorstep, accusing me of misappropriating funds! "What did you do with the $5000?"

Of course, I can't afford a lawyer, and I'm afraid to make a statement.

I nearly failed MBA school because my mother would call for my presence (across country) away from school just before, or during, examinations. The stress destroyed my relationships at school, and actually made school unpleasant for my classmates.

She literally stays awake at night trying to think of ways to make nice people suffer. I'm serious! I've seen it.

I never imagined that one little old lady could hurt dozens of people who never met her, halfway across the world!

Thanks, readers, for letting me vent. Beth, thanks MUCH for publishing your blog. (Now I think I need a lawyer.)