Freachi's comments

Coping with an adult with Asperger's (4) - Blog Entry

29 May 2008 09:30 PM

Hi beth,

I am 22 years old and have been married almost a year to my high school sweetheart of 7 years and we own our own business together. His father died a year before we met and mine a year after we started dating. He always displayed some odd behavior, but I attributed it to his profound loss and later to other similar circumstances. However, after living in the same house for so many months and working together, I realized that he may have some serious problems. Although very VERY talkative, it is difficult to have a conversation with him. When discussing something, he clings to the details and cannot focus on the overall picture. He has some pretty severe problems with body language and non-verbal cues, to the point that he sometimes walks away out of the house, shuts the door and plays with his dog in the back yard while I'm talking about something important, and he doesn't understand why I react angrily. His voice also has limited expressiveness, only loud, soft, angry and playful. There are numerous other reasons that I suspect that this is Aspergers, including obsessive behavior, lack of empathy and failure to understand social timing, social norms, and the consequences of his social reactions, but I'm trying to shorten this post.

His problems have consequences both in our marriage and our business. He experiences migraines. He also has problems with depression because he cannot meet my expectations and the expectations of others. He has many friends, but at any moment they could make a small blunder and he will shun them for years.

How do I deal with this? Owning a family business in this economy, money is severely limited. We live about an hour away from any counselor and our insurance does not cover counseling or psychotherapy, even if I could ever talk my husband into going, which he would never agree to. I am about to go crazy and I do not believe in divorce. My husband is very private and does not trust doctors, and hates the entire field of psychology. He is so sensetive, I am afraid to even bring up the subject for fear that his depression or the emotional space between us will worsen. What options do I have in dealing with our problems, whether they be Asperger's or something else? How do I protect myself against emotional problems stemming from his behavior?