18 Aug 2007 02:58 PM

A Grandpa Too Far

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\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'Outreach\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' and communications between grandparents and grandchildren range from frequent to not-at-all. Some years ago I responded to an email from an \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'old-old\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' grandfather (as I am now) who told of his futile attempts to contact one or several of his too-faraway grandchildren. I\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'ve posted the essence of our exchange to several Internet message boards and forums over the years or as a closing observation in one of my e-responses to a comparable query from another aged grandparent or, rarely, from a teenage or even younger grandchild. I believe that each time I post this online it is read by people who have not seen it before, so, IMO, perhaps it\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s worth repeating.

��� (It is my practice to always respect the privacy of my correspondents.)��� ���  Occasionally, among e-mails I\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'ve received is one that reflects deep disappointment and sorrow.���  In this instance, the writer had tried to contact a distant grandchild who was too far away geographically or, unknown to the grandparent, was beyond barriers of circumstances. The writer had not received a response.He was in his eighties, he wrote, and had several grandchildren and great-grandchildren scattered around the world.���  Not one of them had written to him or telephoned, either at their own initiative or in response to his letters and gifts. He was a widower, he said, lived alone, and was the only remaining grandparent.���  He wanted his grandchildren to know that he was still alive. He had much to offer them, he said, about the family\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s history and traditions.

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\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'Should I just give up?\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' he asked.

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In my reply, I suggested that he, as the only living grandparent, persevere and to not accept defeat. Whatever the past might have been, his advanced years called for him to be nonjudgmental, empathic if the situation called for it, and healing.���  I observed that his grandchildren have or will have families of their own and, in time, they will also be grandparents.���  It\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s normal that, as elders, they will, at times, reflect on their lives and, with a perspective vastly different from their youth and middle years, will recall that Grandpa, in his advanced years, had tried to reach out to them as a grandparent in deeds as well as in their relationship. In remembering, they would better understand their roles as grandparents and of their own needs in ageing. Through \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'reminiscences\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' and cumulative life experiences he would become the \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'grandpa\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' he had sought, long before, to be.

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Persistence, I reminded him - not giving up - is vital to his well-being if not to his life. To stop trying would be to accept defeat. The aged do not take defeats lightly; at some point the accumulated grinding effects of ageing would accelerate the downward spiral of his mortality. What he was doing for his grandchildren, I wrote, might have profound effects long after he was gone. A \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'grandparent\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' is both here and now and for the long haul, and he - and grandma - influence the grandchild across an entire life span, not merely for the few years that grandpa/grandma was right there to offer understanding and guidance, and hold \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'grandchild\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' close.

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Grandchildren rarely realize it when they\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'re young - very often not even well into in their middle years - but the grandparents in their lives are forever. Most adults finally figure it out in their latter years. In time, grandkids figure it out, ���  in their turn.

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First day of spring

I keep thinking about

The end of autumn

��� ��� ��� ��� ��� ��� ��� ��� ���  Matsuo Basho (1644-1694)

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