19 Aug 2007 01:28 PM

An Unresponsive Grandpa

Enter your post hereAn Unresponsive Grandpa

��� 

The mother of a pre-teen age girl may have read the preceding vignette. Not long after I had posted my reply to the aged grandpa I received an email from a woman in which she told of her daughter\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s repeated but futile attempts to communicate with her grandfather. He was in his mid-80s, she wrote, and resided in a distant state; the youngster was his only grandchild. Intelligent and caring, she had written to him regularly, sent holiday cards and gifts, and baked and mailed boxes of cookies. He did not acknowledge the gifts, nor did he respond to letters from the youngster\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s mother, his daughter.

��� 

Grandpa did, however, telephone, not often; he spoke briefly with the youngster\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s parents but evaded speaking with his granddaughter. He had not visited for a long time, lived alone, and was a \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'loner\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' with few friends as far as they knew. The mother\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s message to me did not mention a Grandma, and appealed for \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'comments\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'.

��� 

I responded and, as I always do when a correspondent invites an \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'opinion\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' or guidance, stated that I was a laymen on the subject, and that my observations were limited to my life\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s experiences as an ordinary husband, father and grandfather. I mentioned that she would, very likely, get better guidance from a source more qualified than I was.

��� 

I then proceeded to \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'comment\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' that she consider reviewing \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'grandfather\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' wellness and what his self-image might be in the light of what the youngster\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s parent\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s knew of his past. Had he always been as withdrawn as he now appeared to be? How had he related emotionally to his family when his children were young? Had the family been close, or had Dad been distant even then toward his children and their mother? If he had been a close and caring father, when did changes occur to the behavior that he now presented and which were significantly different, specifically where his only grandchild was concerned?

��� 

What might have brought on the changes that were now evident? Advancing age, especially well into one\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'80\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s, can be an important factor: changes that occur during a person\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s transformation into what appears to be the \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'old-old\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' phase of life can be ravaging, especially if health had seriously deteriorated or a great personal loss experienced. If such was the case, Grandpa might feel strongly not to impose his difficult (detetiorating health?) problems on his only grandchild?

��� 

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'I don\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'t know if Grandfather can be changed,\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' I added. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'I do believe that Grandfather needs your understanding and your compassion, and the same from your spouse or partner. Equally, but perhaps not aware of it, he needs the understanding and compassion of his granddaughter. She keeps reaching out to him; I conclude her sense of compassion is strong. You can help her here. Compassion will not be a burden to her; to the contrary, \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'reaching out\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' will strengthen her sensitivity and her developing maturity.

��� 

In closing, \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'I extend to Granddaughter the \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'comments\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' you asked for: \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'Granddaughter, keep trying. Grandpa might not respond, but he hears you. Do not default; do not ever, ever give up.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'

Grandpa Mike

Send this to a friend