18 May 2006 12:14 PM

Moving Frazzels Me!

View from the Side/Front of our new House!

This is horrible, the movers came this morning and I started to feel faint and like I would hypervenalate! I don't even know what made me feel so anxious and panicky!

I have been so disappointed about the fact that I can't focus on writing my Blogs right at this moment... this just isn't like me. When the kids are finished with school we will load up and drive to the new house! It's hard to realize that last night really was the last night we would sleep in this house together.

I need to add some new pages to Jeremiah and Makala's family book. When we went to committee for their adoption placement we made a family book for the children. I used the old story, "This is The House That Jack Built" and rewrote it as, "This is The House Where Your Forever Family Lives." Well, the first page is a picture of this house, where we slept for the last time--last night.

I remember moving in here! It was a hard move too. I had lived in my house for seven year's with Sean and Tori's father and there were Not very good memories there except of raising Sean and Tori.

But, after Andrew and I got married I moved with my teenagers, into his Bachelor House..... That was a horrible move!......talk about anxiety. What woman in her right mind would move two teenagers into her very neat, organized new husbands beautiful home?

I never have hammered a nail in a wall of this old house! Can you believe that? I moved into this house in 1999 with Sean and Tori and lived her as if it wasn't my home most of the time....... That's going to change!

So Far we haven't even had an argument. Sure we have been stressed, testy and a little snippy once in awhile but, there is no reason to have to argue.... It's so nice to just be able to say what I need and have a husband who cares about what I need.....It really does make me want to be the wind beneath his wings....

The only thing left here is a huge pile of clean laundry, a lot of dust bunnies and my computer---on the desk that goes to the Good Will.... It was a nice place to live mostly.

There is a sense that we are leaving Jennifer behind. When Andrew bought this house his older sister moved in with him. She was supposed to clean and cook for him in exchange she and her daughter could live here. Jennifer was 10 years old when I started dating Andrew and six-weeks before our wedding Andrews sister and Jennifer were still living here......ah for some reason it wasn't clicking that Andrew might want to move his wife into his home....It was a stressful situation, I wasn't sure how things were going to play out and I even considered delaying the wedding......really.

Then the most horrible thing happened six weeks before our big day. Andrew's parents decided to take Jennifer to the coast on a Sunday morning, and on their way a drunk drive crossed the center of the road and hit them head on. Andrews father died at the scene and they scrapped Jennifer together and put her on life support.....the next day we had to turn off life support and Jennifer died....at the age of 12. Andrew's mother was critically injured, so badly she couldn't even attend the funeral.......

We had thought about delaying our wedding, but decided we needed each other too much, and we needed to be a real team. So we went ahead and got married in the front yard of this house, we slept in for the last time--last night. It was just about the saddest wedding I have ever seen. My father, Andrew's mother, my children and my ex-sister-in-law were the only guests. I picked up a platter of pre-made deli sandwiches and some champagne and punch. It was the saddest and most beautiful wedding at the same time.....it was beautiful because this is REAL love--this time.

So, tonight our life is going to change, last night was really our last night in this home.....tonight a new chapter starts......

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