This topic contains 42 replies, has 38 voices, and was last updated by kennylove 6 years, 6 months ago.
January 16, 2006 at 3:02 am #74155
I am curious to hear opinions on how long you should date until you get married. My husband and I only dated 6 weeks before we were engaged and then we got married 4 1/2 months later. We’ve been married almost 5 years and we’ve been really happy.
However, I have usually heard that it is not a good idea to get married so quickly. Of course, there are also the couples who date for years and then end up getting divorced soon after marriage.January 16, 2006 at 3:58 am #205191
My husband and I started dating the first week of October (we were friends prior to this) and were married in December. We have been married for 8+ years and are one of the most happily married couples I know.January 16, 2006 at 8:39 am #205194
hi have been engaged for 14 years and marrige hasnt bothered us . but i do agree people date for a long time get marrid then some how things go wrong and they divorce . i dont want to upset any one but i see it as a piece of paper and a ring . alot of expense . i know its away of comitting to each other . but i have the same thing as a marrid couple house car family just not the ringJanuary 19, 2006 at 4:47 pm #205303
years, i would definetly say whatever number you are thinking of —-think of it in years:realexc: :realexc: i think it makes for a stronger bondFebruary 7, 2006 at 1:54 am #206020
My ex husband and I dated for 9 months before we got married (and I confess several of those were sort of living together which was kinda new in 1980) We lasted 14 years….I say lasted because that was what it was….
My NOW husband and I dated 2 years and did not live together until after the wedding….which was somewhat scary given the fact I was bringing two teenagers into His house because it was nicer then mine…. BUT It was nice to be able to have my teenagers see a man willing to drive to my house every night and then go home…My husband was clearly committed after that torture….We have been married nearly 7 years and loving every moment…..February 22, 2006 at 11:49 pm #206479
I think that societies all over the world see marriage as more than just a piece of paper and a ring. Reader’s Digest had an article several years ago that studied statistics of marriage, divorce, and cohabitation. They found that couples who lived together before marriage were three times more likely to divorce than couples who moved in after marriage. They could offer no explanation other than speculation–that most couples view marriage in the tradition of the society they were raised in.
Most societies view marriage as a life commitment with spiritual, moral, familial, financial, and social roles–the adage “two become one.” When a couple marries after living together, their expectations of the relationship may change. If one or both expects more time, closer financial ties, children, no more flirting with coworkers, the other partner may not be willing to accept the changes and leave the relationship.
So what did my hubby and I do? We dated once, got engaged during vacation, were apart for six months, and got married a few months later. That was 16 years ago. After living the experience, I would recommend a longer dating period to get to know one another. We get along great now, but had a few years of diffculty getting used to each other.February 28, 2006 at 6:31 am #206673
Wow! Some of you got married fast! My dh and I dated for almost 3 years until our wedding date. That was about 1 1/2 years of dating then engagement. We are going on year 9 of marrige . His mom didn’t see a reason for us to marry and thought we should just live together.
Marrige was more than a piece of paper and a ring. BTW, that ring was on my finger at the time of our engagement–he wasn’t getting off the hook there:wink: . Our wedding was a public declaration of our promise to eachother. We see our marrige as more than just a promise but a convenant! Taking those vows with my precious dh in my beautiful dress and with my friends and family around as witnesses reinforced the importance of what our commitment is. Short of signing in his own blood, my dh made his commitement to me firm by signing our marrige papers (along with me of course), publicly stating his promise to me and helped make it a beautiful day to celebrate his love and dedication to me. The engement to me was paying the security deposit on the promise, the wedding was paying in full (lack of better description).
I’ve heard experts suggest it takes about 2 years to really get to know a person. I think this is because you have some time to grow and see each other in different circumstances. My dh and I have grown together through the years.March 21, 2006 at 12:47 am #207311
I really think it depends on the couple. My fiance and I are getting married soon and weve only been together 8 months.March 21, 2006 at 12:47 pm #207320
I enjoyed reading all the previous responses.
My ex husband and I met in July 1993. I moved in with him (another state, a whole new life) September 1993 and we got married in January 1994. Our son was born August 1994 and I would never recommend it.
We were still getting to know each other when we got married. We never officially got “engaged”. I left him in March 2000. We were officially divorced in August 2001. I am happier now than I was ANYTIME during our marriage.
I am now currently dating someone seriously. We’ve been together since March of last year. Although we speak about the future we have no immediate plans to jump into anything. We have more recently discussed living together, but even that isn’t set in stone and will take much more discussion. I really do recommend getting to know the person.
HOWEVER – I also know that you can know someone in only a few short months. Especially if your personalities and such are similar. I know my boyfriend and I are VERY similar in personalities however, I am bringing two children into the relationship. He has none. So I know it’s a major change for him and taking it slow was what I was geared for (I’d be lying if I didn’t say I don’t HOPE that we do something soon!) LOL
Anyway, good luck to those still trying to figure it out.
It’s definitely a personal choice!
NicoleMarch 21, 2006 at 1:35 pm #207324
My husband and I dated for four months before we got engaged, then we were engaged for ten months. We both agree that the engagement was too long!
That being said, my husband and I were very close friends for six years before we got married. We already knew eachother. We knew the good, the bad, and the ugly and we knew that we wanted to get married. We will celebrate our tenth anniversary this Summer. I am so thankful that we have a good friendship. Romance is fairly unpredictable, but friendship is steadfast. I hope that doesn’t sound like we are not romantic. I am madly in love with my husband, but you can’t build a marriage based on romantic feelings.
I wouldn’t tell just anyone that they should go ahead and get married after four months of dating. You really have to know somebody and it just so happened that my husband and I did now each other very well.March 21, 2006 at 7:04 pm #207334
My husband and I dated for 3 years before we were engaged and were engaged for another 13 months before we were married. We have now been married for two years. With all of that said, we started dating in high school so it is a little different.
I think it is always a wise idea to date and then be engaged for an extended amount of time just so you have the opportunity to really get to know the person. One of my friends recently broke off her engagement with a guy she had been seeing for four years, realizing it wasn’t right. Marriage is a very very serious committment (although most people don’t see it that way anymore).April 14, 2006 at 10:01 am #208431
I feel like you need over a year to get to know someone and know whether or not you woudl be good for each other through the long haul. The rules change on situation. If someone was your best friend for years then maybe a short coutship would work. Ifyou just meet someone and start dating I would give it over a year dating, maybe anotehr engaged.April 14, 2006 at 4:29 pm #208478
i know some one who was with there partner for 7 years got married after 7 years it only lasted 6 months now going though a divorceApril 14, 2006 at 4:45 pm #208480
We met in February, got engaged in June, and were married in October. This October will be 10 years. I will admit, there were a couple of rocky years. Still, I don’t recommend a long engagement, particularly if you intend to “save yourself” for marriage– too tempting! I don’t think the length of the engagement is as important as what you do during the engagement. If you spend it really getting to know important things about each other, you can find out quickly whether or not you are compatible. If, on the other hand, you spend all your time in bed, you never really learn whether you could be life partners.April 14, 2006 at 5:14 pm #208482
Misty our stories are almost exactly alike, and I completely agree with you.
I met my husband for the first time in March, we were engaged in July, and married in October (6 months). In October it will be 10 years. Sometimes I wish we had waited to get to know each other better, but since we didn’t believe in premarital sex, waiting was hard to do. Although even if we had waited I probably would have still married him, so it wouldn’t have made a difference.
Overall our marriage has been successful, although not easy, because we are both committed to it. Going into the marriage we decided that divorce was not an option. So we have worked through the challenges we have faced and grown together.
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