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This topic contains 19 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by jmmv08 5 years, 6 months ago.
August 14, 2008 at 2:24 pm #187927
Being married to a very busy husband may weaken your marriage. This usually occurs when he is engaged with politics, business, or any career that requires a lot of time and social activities like blogging. Although he might say that he is working hard for the family and for the future of the children, this logic will not be true if you do not have a good communication. Therefore, you must find ways to bring back his attention to you and here are some tips that could help you.
Cook his favorite food
As they say, the way to win a man’s heart is through his stomach. Your husband may be very tired and exhausted when he gets home. It will be delightful to see that he will still wants join you at dinner time. Tell him in advance that you will cook his favorite dish and say in the most convincing way and make him excited to get home at once. Then, grab the chance to have a good talk and of course, not about his work. If he starts mentioning it, learn how to divert the topic by simply asking him how much he likes the food.
You cannot maintain a good communication with someone who seldom sees you. If you hear him coming from a hard day work, you must be in the doorsteps wearing a smile. Do not let him see you cleaning the house or busy with other household work. Offer his slippers, a glass or water or a simple kiss. Moreover, be attractive to talk with and dress like you are just waiting for him to go home. No tired husband would want to talk to his wife who smells like fish. Although you are also busy, you must have time for him.
Be a good listener
By simply listening to his complains about his work can start a good communication. You do not have to understand all the things he say, especially if he is a technical person. After all, he is not really after your suggestions but rather being his shock absorber about his concerns. Being his friend who is eager to listen to his problems about work is an effective way to communicate. Somehow, you can give some advices that only need common sense. Then as you go along, you can have a good conversation.
Study about his work
Find time to understand the basic principles of his work. Accompanying him to social gatherings with his officemates is a good time to start with. You can also ask him to invite them or his boss to a dinner at home so you can get more information about his daily tasks. But the best way to learn about the work of your husband is to ask him and make him feel that you are interested about it. With this, he will enjoy talking to you because he knows you understand his language. Afterwards, you can easily change the topic.
Invite him to go to bed
Making love is one of the most effective forms of communication between spouses. There are a lot of ways to attract your husband and if you know him well, you do not even need to invite him. You may start by smelling fresh like it is your honeymoon, dress attractively and wear a crazy smile. You must learn also to find the perfect timing to invite him because you might be denied. He might be busy, but you must be included in the list that he is busy of.
A good communication is what marriage makes stronger.
Article Source: Father Blogger dot ComAugust 14, 2008 at 3:53 pm #1002106
Um, what if you are a very busy wife? Working, taking care of the house, taking on all the responsibility for arranging how the family functions while he, uh, just waits for you to tell him what you want and thinks you ought to be grateful because he does ever so much more than his father did. Asking a wife to cook extra special or pretty up or be sexy gets to be a bit much.
I was a great listener. But somehow we could talk at length about the details of problems with his co workers, but not with mine. He would become enraged at the idea that I was “dumping” on him. I was supposed to leave it at the office, he was not.
What if you invite him to bed and he is sexually dysfunctional for a medical reason, or just not turned on because he is really gay (like my ex was) and in denial.
Sorry, you sound like [URL="http://iws.ccccd.edu/grooms/goodwife.htm"]this excerpt from a 1954 home economics high school text book[/URL] which I believe was printed in one of the “ladies magazines of the day”- and it is just not relevant to todays real family.
Also, please don’t copy paste from your own blog, even if quoting the source. You may include the link in your sig, and start separate discussions here.August 14, 2008 at 4:07 pm #1002107
I find it funny that there are tips to maintain good communication with a busy husband, but what about a busy wife, mother and full-time employee? If my husband wants to communicate with me, he can help me fold laundry or give the boys a bath
These ideas sound great, but I’d like to add a tip for communicating with your wife: Hire someone to clean the house, give her a foot massage, and cuddle with her for one night. I guarantee she will “communicate” your socks off!
KimAugust 14, 2008 at 5:48 pm #1002121
This reminds me of that old ad that “supposedly” ran in Ladies Home Journal in the 1950s. I am going to see if I can find it and post a link to it because it is a hoot.
In the meantime…I have a lot of thoughts on this article, but for the sake of a reasonably short post I will only address the two most offensive points.
“Be a good listener”
My remarks on this paragraph:
Are you seriously suggesting that wives would not be intelligent enough to understand the things our husbands say to us? Any wife has at least a reasonable knowledge of what their husbands do to support the family, and can easily carry her half of the conversation. Furthermore, why would he not be interested in his wife’s suggestions? Women are intelligent and capable and often offer a different, sometimes better perpspective on a topic. If this is not the case, then the couple in question is not well matched and will probably not succeed in marriage regardless of any of your “good communication” tips.
“Invite him to go to bed”
My thoughts on this paragraph:
Any wife should want to look attractive and smell fresh because she has respect for herself. A wife who respects herself is a wife who will in turn respect her husband. That being said, most wives could come to bed looking and smelling like they took a swim in a stagnate swamp and would not “be denied”. Most husbands are all too happy to recieve whatever their wife is offering in the bedroom. If he isn’t, then he is probably suffering from erectile dysfunction or else cheating. In either case, you would need professional help to resolve the problem, not a lot of superficial, male chauvenistic, antics as described above.August 14, 2008 at 5:54 pm #1002124
What guy seriously wears “slippers” and expects his wife to bring them to him when he comes home? Isn’t that what the family dog is for?
Here, Checkers! Fetch!!
No, the slippers! Not my respectable cloth coat!!!
Sheesh. Lets do the time warp again some time when we all have more time.August 14, 2008 at 5:59 pm #1002125
mcmama, I didn’t look at your link, that is exactly what I was going to try to find LOL! It supposed ran in either LHJ or Better Homes in the 1950s as well, and I once had a copy with a lot of hilarious illustrations. But yours has the information, the message, the important stuff.
I would debate every single point, but too bad I don’t have time because I have to go make some of my husbands favorite dishes! HAHAAugust 14, 2008 at 6:52 pm #1002131
wanna be a young mother
Can I just say hahahahahahaha…..uh my side….hahahahahahahaha…this is to funny….hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha….wipes tears away. :laughing:
Ok now that I got that out. Let me say this… I love my husband to death. I would do ANYTHING for him but I also have respect for myself and I AM NOT A WELCOME MAT! I will not lay down like a good little wife while my husband walks all over me! I have a BACKBONE! While he is “busy” at work answering phones and dealing with morons I am at home chasing a 1 year old around. Cooking Nevy and myself breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner! Plus I am cleaning and dealing with any family problems he doesnt have time for. Now please someone tell me when I have time to get “pretty” or to make him a special dinner?? He’s lucky if my Pj’s match when he gets home :laughing: !
His job is from 8am-6pm 5-6 days a week. Mine is from 7am-7am 7 days a week! So who works harder?? The only break I get is when she is napping (like now) or I am going pee and even then she’s banging on the door wanting something! I am all for the “old school” family life but not for the part where the wives are nothing more then slaves!
My husband knows how I feel and respects me enough that when he gets home he helps me! The only time I “greet him at the door” is to hand Nevy to him so I can go clean up the mess she just made! As for dinner he eats whatever I make and if he doesnt like it then the left overs from the night before are his dinner.
I am not a maid, chef or sex slave! I am a WIFE and I will be treated like one! Only a man could write something so insensitive as this!August 14, 2008 at 7:54 pm #1002142
It is so funny to hear all of these comments because just as I understand where you all are coming from no one said you have to do those things ALL the time EVERY day. I am a married woman and in no way a door mat for my husband or any one else but I can say that when my husband comes home from work I do great him with a kiss and a smile. Why? Because I want him to want to come home and be happy about it. I want him to feel good when he walks in the door because if I make him feel good he makes me feel good. A relationship is a two way street. Yes children, bills, and the everyday issues do play a part and we each man and woman have our roles and neither is more important than the other. If we each give 100% to keep the other happy and satisfied then it cuts down on a lot of drama that can occur. You have to make time for one another. Switch up your schedule every once in a while just to let your partner know that you appreciate them and what they mean to you. So if that’s cooking him a special meal every once in a while so be it. If it’s him helping with the laundry or you both preparing a meal together instead of it being one or the other then hey that’s how it works. But you have to remember that whether it’s a busy husband or wife you each have to take (MAKE) time for one another!
[URL="http://realtalk-time.blogspot.com/"]http://realtalk-time.blogspot.com/[/URL]August 14, 2008 at 7:59 pm #1002143
Very well. . .here is how my spouse makes time for a busy wife:
He cooks dinner. . .
If dinner isn’t done when he gets home. . .he walks in and asks how he can help. He doesn’t cook nearly as well as I do. . .but he will cook, help finish dinner, set the table or simply make sure the kids are out of the kitchen so I can do it. Oh and since we keep a Sabbath. . .He cooks on Sundays and takes over all the household duties.
He is visible
You cannot maintain good communication with someone who is one sided. It requires that the telelvision (gasp–even in the middle of sports) get turned off. It requires daily maintenance of regular family time–by both spouses. It requires that he is visible when I need him most. . .when I am frazzled, tired, and all else. Oh and that twin belly I got by carrying HIS children–he loves it. He finds me more attractive now than he did when he married me because THAT’s real love. He would NEVER expect to see me dressed up when he gets home because he understands that my day is filled with play dough and paint, scrubbing toilets and preparing that aforementioned dinner.
He’s a good listener. . .
He is fully aware that my job is substantially more intense, more difficult and more demanding both physically and mentally than is his. He doesn’t talk down to me because he respects my intelligence. He listens when I have a bad day, helps me with major parenting decisions. But it doesn’t stop there. My husband, a real man, sits with every single kid, every single night for one on one time. He listens to them too.
He knows my work
My husband knows all about breastfeeding, changing diapers, twins, ultrasounds, how to grocery shop, where and when to chauffeur, and the ins and outs of my days. That’s MY work. Not only does he understand what I do. . .he takes over so I can have a break. Regularly. He’s the one you see with the 5 well behaved kids at the grocery store. . .and did I mention that when he started doing this they were under the age of 7? Top that.
He invites me to bed
My husband understands that intimacy in the evening begins in the morning before he leaves for work. He understands that when I’m exhausted from having to pick up and put back his slippers. . .that it makes it difficult on me. So he does it himself.
There are No Good One Way Marriages
Marriage works both ways. It is a two way street–always. Personally, I find that my marriage works the best when I am considering how I can best love my spouse. . .and vice versa. It is not a one size fits all and what works for us won’t always work for someone else–so unless someone asks me specifically–I’m not likely to give advice. We don’t keep track of each other’s offenses, we try to build each other up at every opportunity, and we’re committed to showing each other our love for one another in tangible ways. . .every day. THAT is what builds a marriage up.August 14, 2008 at 8:37 pm #1002153
Going back to the good old days… I never understood this tidy up and put on a pretty face and take a shower and cook the food and be there at the door with a kiss thing (oops! forgot those **** slippers again. Oh well, this is Florida, we all go barefoot) I mean, sometimes you’re not there because you had to work late, or pick up the kids from basketball – or you have to have the whole family meet at the gym, the baseball field, or the orchestra rehearsal so that you can divvy up the kids and feed everyone something that is either packed or that you pick up from the deli counter…..
But in the good old days, my mom was a SAHM, and my dad was an airline pilot. So he came home and left home at all sorts of hours. We just knew he was coming home for lunch, or dinner, or sometime that evening.
Being a total brat, the phrase “wait till your father gets home” had special meaning in our house. Because my parents were a team, even in the days before cell phones and text messages. And they put one another first.
So on any given day when my dad got home, he might hug and kiss us all (mom first, always mom first) And since my parents had mental telepathy, he knew to ask for “what happened”. (later I realized he figured that one out from watching me try to hide) Now, if I had been bad, he would put his overnight case down, ask my mother FIRST to tell what had happened, then ask me for an explanation. While I got “the look”. THEN, he dealt with it. Right away. Usually a lecture about respect your mother above all life forms on earth and sending me to my room.
Then he would get comfy. If we were eating, he sat right down and joined us. If not, he’d go change his clothes, maybe take a shower. If he had to sleep, he would tell us that he was going to have to do that. He’d put on his pjs and robe, and find where he last hid his slippers from the dog. Then he’d spend some time with my mom, reconnect with my brother and me, and go to bed if he needed to. If it was early, he’d usually get up and spend time with my mom before really going to bed.
The day I fell and broke my arm he met us all at the hospital first. No cell phones, but my mom got through to the airport and they paged him. None of this stuff about not being bothered with family life, oh well, she’s got it under control. He showed up after being gone for 72 hours and wanted to know how he could help HER since she was obviously so exhausted from having to deal with me.
During his time at home, he volunteered at my school and he did a lot of yardwork around our house. This included planting a hedge with a gap so my mom and the neighbor could back fence gossip and visit each other. Sort of a 1960s version of what we do here in cyberspace – yup, just waste all that time gabbing instead of paying attention to our husbands. He thought it was a great way for her to spend her time.
None of this make it right for me stuff. None of this I work so hard I can’t get a break pick up these toys and for goodness sake put on some lipstick and fix yourself up woman what have you been doing all day anyway stuff. Just come home to what was really home and jump into family life. Real family life. With his wife, his real life partner.
My parents were total lovebirds until he died accidentally after 18 years of marriage. And what happened at home was ALWAYS more important to him than what happened on the flight. But we chatted about that too, because it is all part of being a family.August 15, 2008 at 3:16 am #1002224
Reminds me of this antique advertisement from the 1950′s for women to use Lysol disinfectant as a douche to be fresh and clean for their husbands.
Do not try this at home. It is not safe.
[IMG]http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h50/srprs/lysol.jpg[/IMG]August 15, 2008 at 3:22 am #1002228
Another 1950′s advertisement.
Do not try this at home. It is NOT safe.
[IMG]http://i249.photobucket.com/albums/gg212/mes114/lysol_douche_ad.jpg[/IMG]August 15, 2008 at 3:24 am #1002231
Angie…are you trying to tell us something?????August 15, 2008 at 9:20 pm #1002339
Until we had children, we both worked fairly long hours, I was at school from 8-5, then lessons plans marking had to be done at home in the evening. Frank worked 9-5pm 6 days a week and anytime he was needed, night or day. I think one of the reason it worked for us, is because when we went to university we only saw each other for one weekend a month and we knew what our careers would lead to, so we always knew we wouldn’t have much alone time for the first few years after university, so there wasn’t a change of job or circumstance.
When we get home from work, we never moan about anything, it’s no good puting a dampner on as soon as walk through the door, you want to sit down, do nothing and talk about random stuff just enjoy them being there.
It is one of the few things we have both been good at, we can read each other well and we know what upsets each other, so we don’t do it. We are very open as well, if one of us is annoyed about something, we don’t bottle it up, we tell each other even if it does lead to an arguement, as it is better than storing it all then going mad and exploding.
It’s nice knowing as well, if I do have to stay later at work, he wont moan that I should be at home, and I wouldn’t to him either. Yeah it isn’t nice when they aren’t there, but you cannot be together all the time.
Now we have children he tries to be Suzy home maker and wants to do everything, but there is no way I would let him, as soon as I am home when I have been working, he has to sit down and do nothing apart from play with the children for at least half an hour, which is alot for him as he likes to be doing things in the house all the time, even if it is killing him.
When I’m working I always get the children ready in the morning, he is going to be changing nappies and getting Jamie out of dirty clothes all day, so I can at least reduce that by one and let him have a bit longer in bed.August 15, 2008 at 9:25 pm #1002341
Sounds like a great routine. What you two guys are doing is a partnership, which is what a marriage is.
So much of this stuff is presupposing what a woman SHOULD be – as opposed to who we are in our families and what communication, respect and partnership really works.
Good thing gay couples don’t have to figure out “what do women want”!!!!! But communication is still very much a two way street, and the good marriage is the foundation of the parenting.
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