If you don’t want to be the family with the 20-something adult child laying on your couch, then you have to get started early with helping to prepare your kid for his or her first real job, one that can support a basic lifestyle and have an expectation of self sufficiency.
Ideally, you have been giving your child or children important money lessons since they were preschoolers, but the most critical time comes when they reach the age of 13 or 14. That is when they need to know that when they become adults, they will be expected to hold down a job and take care of themselves. You may even want to set a deadline, such as six months after they graduate from college.
No one is saying that you have to kick your children out of the house, but if they are adults, you should at least expect them to pay rent until they can get to a point in their careers where they can move out and fully support themselves.
Having clear expectations for your children can serve as motivation for the future. Let them know that you are there to help them get the education they need or develop the skills for a real job, but that you are confident that they will do well on their own. Then, follow up and give them some real life experiences that will get them prepared.
For example, while they are still underage, you may want to encourage them to take on a part-time responsibility with an employer that will give them a chance to experience working for someone else and all that this entails. Obviously, you should help your children choose jobs that are appropriate for their ages and maturity.
While many parents want to set their children up with working for a family friend, it is probably better if they get a real taste of employment from someone who doesn’t feel obligated to treat them as special. They will quickly learn not only the consequences of irresponsible behavior, such as being late, but also the joy and confidence of a job well done that has nothing to do with their parents’ connections. Volunteer positions are also a good avenue for experience.
By the time you have the expectations, the motivation and the experience out of the way, it should be time for your adult children to set out and get those real jobs.
Since much of the job search is more about networking and less about sending massive amounts of resumes into the black hole of job hunting, you should prepare your children to make connections. The career office at college is a great place to start. Use all of those resources, as well as the college alumni office, the local chamber of commerce and more. Making cold calls to people in his or her chosen industry can be intimidating, but it often works, especially if the parties involved have some connection, such as those listed above.
Most importantly, parents should not be making these calls or overtures themselves. It sends the wrong message to both the adult children, who may become dependent on their parents, and the potential employers, who will wonder if these new adults will be able to handle the burden of a career. Advice, guidance and emotional support are all appropriate, of course, and striking the balance between helping and allowing your children the correct responsibility for their futures will go a long way to preparing them for a real job.