I married the wrong guy

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This topic contains 12 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by  jacob622 2 years, 4 months ago.

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    I have been married for two years now…and I love my husband very much but there isn’t much passion there and I am a very passionate person. He expects me to be perfect. and I am far from that…
    before him I dated this man for three years well I didn’t choose him but recently I saw him and kissed him and I am still so much in love with him..I think I married the wrong man but my beliefs are no divorce…what do i do..



    Let me start my reply with this disclaimer: I am not married.

    I have commited my life to my fiance, Aaron. We have two beautiful children and are engaged. We would have been married this year if we had the money. We have chosen not to have a Justice of the Peace ceremony (although we have discussed it) because we are already commited to each other, and I’m afraid that if I have a civil ceremony now, my dream of a wedding will never come to fruition.

    I, too, do not believe that divorce should be pursued, especially when children are involved. I, too, struggle with thoughts that I may have chosen the wrong man to spend my life with. I, too, love my partner.

    The conclusion I have come to in my life is this: I have made my choice. It may have been the wrong one, but the choice has been made.

    How do you cope with this fact? You grieve the loss of the “perfect” marriage. You were never going to have it anyway, even if you had “chosen better”. You choose to love your partner. You choose to do everything in your power to build your relationship day by day.

    I truly believe that if you continuously work on your marriage, you will see a change in yourself. You will have a better relationship. And you might possibly come to realize that you made the right choice after all.



    marriage is about growth. Adjusting and compromising and comunicating. People who have no intention of changing, won’t be in a relationship very long. We could all change for the better in some ways.

    You also teach people how to treat you. If you don’t like being talked down to, or being criticized over every little thing, you have to have that discussion. In the most respectfull way you can.

    I am married, and we are coming up on our 6th anniversary next month. It’s not 50 years, yet, but we continue to talk about things that effect us. We forgive when the other one over reacts about something. Marriage takes work.

    I would never suggest, even to someone who was dating, let alone married, to slide from one relationship into another. That’s not going to solve your problem. Do all you can in your marriage first. If you are dead set against working things out, conclude the relationship before you go into another one.

    Just my opinion.



    I think you really have to step back from this other person before you can evaluate your own marriage. Comparing the two men is just going to muddle things. While it is certainly possible that you made a wrong decision, you have to sort things out with your marriage before you enter another relationship. The kissing worries me because by sneaking around you are not being true to yourself and are complicating things for yourself. If this other man is your true love, he will still be there when you have made your decisions with a clear head.

    Give your husband another chance by talking with him about your issues and seeing if there is a way to resolve them. If not, you can then move on with a clear conscious and clear decision. That is my two cents anyway :)



    I myself have never been married but I have always heard that it takes alot of working at, maybe you should tell your husband that he is not passionate enough for you and teach the things that you like i am sure that when you started dating him there was something about him that you lked try to bring yourself back to those days and discuss these early days with your husband and try to get back to those days.



    Do not tell your husband he is not passionate enough for you. That’s just mean. It’s like him telling you that your recent weight gain repulses him – not very nice. Don’t see the other guy ever again and focus on bringing passion into your marriage. The grass is NOT always greener on the other side. In fact, there’s another thread on this website about a man who cheated on his first wife and remarried but misses his first wife terribly. Read his heartfelt post; it is sobering if you’re deciding to cheat/ruin your marriage.



    Well, if passion is an issue, mean or not, it needs to be discussed. Weight is often an excuse to nag the other person, control, etc – but is sometimes present because of other issues the couple does not discuss.

    So by all means, discuss passion, feelings, etc.

    Grass is not always greener, and you should seek counseling. Live in honesty.



    God put you two together. He is not the wrong guy. Once you two said “I Do” God made it right. I know it sounds far fetched but I have been married for 10 year and I have three children. My wife and I could not be more different. She likes hot weather and I like cold. She likes politics and I like everything else. LOL. But marriage is not a feeling, it is a committment. Just like if you decided to go back to school and get an advanced degree. Sometimes you would feel excited about what you were doing and what you were going to accomplish, and sometimes you would feel like you could be much happier without the homework and assignments. In the end, you have a degree and the benefits that go along with it. You may just be in a situation where God wants you to lean on him. God allows us to go through some tough times so that we may come running to him with an open mind and heart.
    Try to remember what made you two fall in love in the first place. Remember the feelings and the music. Remember the excitement and remember him. Often guys marry a woman thinking they will never change and women marry a man thinking they will. He is the same guy you fell in love with and agreed to marry. Hang in there. Marriage is the glue that keeps couples together while they fall in and out of love.

    Action items:
    [*]Lean on God.
    [*]Pray for him and make sure you are the one to lift your husbands confidence.
    [*]Give him respect even when he does not deserve it. The Bible says for men to love thier wifes and wifes to respect their husbands. Both are to be done without conditions. (This is a difficult one, but very important.)
    [*]If your belief tells you divorce is wrong, then that same belief may tell you to find a church home and get around some other christian couples.
    [*]Read Ephesians 5:23, 5:25, 5:28
    [*]Subscribe your husband to ( Link removed due to TOU) [/LIST]
    Bless you



    Marriage is a commitment. It sounds like you need to re-commit to your marriage and stop thinking of what might have been. You have made your choice now work at your marriage to make it the best it can be.



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    I know exactly how you feel. I am still madly in love with my ex of 4 years. I got married a year and a half ago to the wrong person. We got married for every reason besides love. Yes I care for my husband and yes he is a wonderful man but he just isn’t the one for me. I tried and we even had a baby together and i keep trying but I can’t get my ex out of my head. My ex wants to give it another try but u also don’t believe in divorce none the less cheating. But I don’t know what to do. I tell myself to stay in the marriage for our daughter but what if i could never love him the way he loves me? Were on two completely different levels I have goals and want to finish school. Once I got pregnant I stopped the drugs and drinking but he hasn’t and doesnt seem like he will. I love working and getting things done. He doesn’t. we fight over everything and I never think its worth it. But with my ex even when we did fight I always thought it was worth making better. I rushed into my marriage. I feel horrible saying I regret it but I do.



    And why have you split up with your ex if he was better than your husband? Passion is not everything and it won’t last forever, no matter who you’re with. Marriage is much more than just passion – it’s love, trust, friendship, loyalty… Think out whether it’s really worth getting divorced or not.



    [quote=cajessimarie]I have been married for two years now…and I love my husband very much but there isn’t much passion there and I am a very passionate person. He expects me to be perfect. and I am far from that…
    before him I dated this man for three years well I didn’t choose him but recently I saw him and kissed him and I am still so much in love with him..I think I married the wrong man but my beliefs are no divorce…what do i do..[/quote]
    nothing is impossible for female try to talk with him closely
    and try to solve your problems!!

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