This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by MysticFireCat 6 years, 2 months ago.
February 27, 2007 at 11:14 pm #171506
From Kindergarten through middle school, people used to tease me horribly; I was always the ugly, fat girl, who repulsed and disgusted everyone (even though my highest weight was only 145- I do have a larger bone structure). I moved right before starting high school, but I had a minor case of depression. I secluded myself from everyone, I never did fun things, I hit myself and walls all the time because I didn’t know how to control my anger. I wanted to lose weight so badly, so I began a mini-starvation diet (eating only a small snack and a small dinner for the day). I lost down to about 120; I was so happy. Everyone thought I looked great at about 130-125. After that, the people who care about me the most said I started to look too skinny. I found a very loving boyfriend my sophomore year of high school, and he said the same thing. I began to worry, so I now eat between 1000-1200 calories a day. I now weight somewhere between 130-140; I haven’t weighed in a while because I’m too disgusted with myself. I can’t run because I over-exercised over the summer and injured my foot, and I do other exercises that aren’t helping me like my appearance any more. I eat healthy foods all the time, and I do exercise, but it’s not helping me at all. I’m not losing weight!!!! I want to starve myself again so badly; it’s the only way I know how. I liked myself so much more before; I can’t take this anymore. It would have to be done in secret because no one would approve for good reason. I’m so embarrassed by my image. I’m not anorexic, but I have the mind frame. I’ve thought about seeing a therapist, but I can’t. I’ve lied to myself and so many others for so long that I can’t stand it. I got so used to being able to tighten my abs and actually have a figure and was thin that I began to believe that I really looked like that. Lately, I know I was wrong….I have no shape, I have no muscle, and I flab and squish- it’s gross. No one’s seen this but my mom. It’s ruining my life. I want to be able to have a shape and be thin like everyone else without tightening up. Someone please help me. How can I lose weight to look like I used to? Would a therapist even be able to help me? I don’t know what to do…. I’ve also tried turning bulemic, but I can’t do it… I still want to starve myself os I can be skinny again. I’m so afraid of being teased like I used to; I feel so conceited. I have a wonderful boyfriend, a wonderful family, and so many other things, but I just can’t believe them anymore and am so disgusted by my body image. Even my boyfriend hasn’t seen what my torso really looks like because I’m too embarrassed to loosen up; I know he wouldn’t care. I still just can’t. Sorry this is so long; I didn’t know the best way to say all that… Thanks. Btw, call me stupid if you want to because I know I am. I should be able to see how fortunate I am and forget what the rest of the world thinks. I tried, but I can’t do it…So, I hope someone can help me…January 9, 2008 at 8:24 pm #964023
hey, you sond seriously depressed…i desperately want to lose weight, but im terrible at starvation. my advice is that, though you probably look gorgeous as you are, if your unhappy, then its just no good. my advice would be to starve youself until you get to how you want ( but dont get too thin ) then eat the same amount you do now, and try to maintain that weight. 50 sit ups a day will tone your stomach, and apart from that, try to be confident. you’ve got a gorgeous boyfriend and a great family, just try to be happy.
good luckJanuary 9, 2008 at 9:13 pm #964036
My heart goes out to you and I just want to let you know I’m going to be praying for you…
I too was made fun of my whole life in school and had a severe case of depression for over 10 years. I hated myself to the extreme. I used to obsess about everything that was wrong with me…or that I thought was wrong, anyways. A few years into my downward spiral I began to do drugs, drink and I started cutting myself. I also self mutilated by piercing my skin in various places. I know what it feels like to “wear your anger and anxiety”. There is a way out, I swear it to you.
How is your family life? Is this where your anger comes from?January 10, 2008 at 4:34 pm #964179
Thank you for eerything. Almost a year later I’m almost perfectly “fixed”. My bf really helped me as well as my family, once they realized what was going on. It took until I realized how badly I was hurting the ones that love me to actually stop. I’ve regained a bit of weight, and am actually still healthy. I never really was “fat” just my structure won’t allow me to weigh but so small. I still would like to lose a little weight, but I am fine the way I am. Venetiasugar, I have some advice to you. I fixed my problem using my determination and the ones who love me. You stated that you are no good at starvation…. my advice is that you don’t even try. There are other means. Ive lost weight by toning my body with pilates and other various exercise DVDs so I can do it on my own time. Depending on your metabolism, you can’t eat everything you want, but it’s ok to treat yourself. My point, don’t starve yourself or do anything dangerous like that. If you do “master it” even if it’s only meant to be temporary it’s hard to stop. Good luck to you.
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