Inga8285's comments

When Your Child's Grandparent is a Narcissist - Blog Entry

22 Jul 2008 11:14 PM

I just have the hardest time wrapping myself around the idea, that someone who gave birth to me could be so cold and callous. When my first two kids were born my father would have to tell my mother to hug my kids. As I look back the affection from her was minimal, but I never realized it till I had children of my own.

My father was always my favorite, and now I understand why, although he has his issues as well. Control, demeaning etc. I was so scared growing up I hated to tell them I was sick or not feeling well, because I might get yelled at. I remember one time when I was 14 I passed out cold, fell forward on my face and split my chin and broke some teeth. I was afraid to tell my dad I didn't feel good.

Yet, she tries to talk a good game, and say she loves me and this and that, of course it is all me, she loves me so much she won't even visit me and the kids! Even when I am close to her town, she doesn't want to travel and hour or so to see the kids, and if she does, she does so begrudgingly. I just don't even want to talk to her anymore. Then when she is bad, she emails and IM's me with cute little notes, etc.

This year my daughter was diagnosed with a serious illness. She didn't even bother to call her or me to find out what was going on, how she was etc. Instead she sends my 12 year old a pamphlet with a years worth of bible reading, and that she should read it. Not, that I'm not Christian, I love God. But, a get well card would have been nice. Grandma has 11 grandkids, she knows what they are like. When I asked her later why she didn't tell my brother the Pastor to pray for her, the response was "My praying is good enough." When I told her he came 8 hours to be with her and pray, she was surprised "he did?" (He by the way is her pet, always has been. They stroke each other) I do love him though, and he does love me. Although he suffers from the same personality as Mom and Dad. In his defense I do believe he is starting to recognize it. He even apologized for having treated me like a dog when we were growing up. Again, Mom's response "he did?" She was irritated at that as well.

I'm rambling. I should buy some sessions with you and be done with it. I need my thoughts organized so I can better process them. I feel like Sybil most of the time.Thanks for your time!

When Your Child's Grandparent is a Narcissist - Blog Entry

20 Jul 2008 11:00 PM

This past year, at a suggestion of a friend, I looked up NPD. I discovered a lot of new things about my family. This past week I finally came to the painful and full realization that not only my father and brother are N's but my mother is actually the worst off of all. For years my father would call me and tell me my mother was crazy, I always blamed him for all the family's craziness. My parents have refused to visit my family for about 6 years now. Always lying to me and have some lame excuse. They would forget my children's birthday's , or send the traditional check and card. No thought to anything. Of course if I pointed it out, I was the bad one. Since I've been married (23 years) my husband has supported me fiercely when it came to my parents behavior toward me, in fact he reminds me that growing up in our small town, everyone thought my Dad was kind of odd, I knew that, but would never admit it because I love my parents. The stories and the history are so amazing, my friend tells me to write a book. Of course I don't think I have it in me to do that. Never the less, my eye opening came when I confronted my mother in and IM's conversation about the lack of visits. She blamed me! She said every time she visits all I do is yell at her and insult her and denigrate the family to my children. I was shocked that she would say these things when she knows I know that it is not true, not any of it. I stopped the discussion at that point. I was in shock. The past ten years, my family and I have walked on egg shells around them to avoid the insults and to avoid getting into a fight with them. I always tell the kids, if grandpa or grandma say anything strange just smile and wave. The kids being young and intelligent know the routine. The kids are great, beautiful, intelligent, well behaved. A real joy in my life.

The confusion and rage consume me when I am alone. I find keeping busy is my best bet to ward off feelings of suicide and anger. I find myself wishing them dead so that I can forget about them and move on with my life, is that normal. Or, am I the one that is really crazy?