Jade Walker's comments

Who Does the Grocery Shopping? - Blog Entry

07 Jan 2008 01:53 PM

In our household, grocery shopping trips are always done together. I usually prepare the list -- since I do the majority of the cooking -- but my beau is there to offer his input and schlep all the bags up to our attic apartment.

As for men's and women's work...I don't know that there is such a thing. I love cooking and baking, and my beau loves eating my food. He finds doing the dishes to be a therapeutic exercise and so he does them. In turn, I put the clean dishes away. He takes the laundry to the cleaners; I put the clean clothes away. He hates emptying the cat boxes, so I do them without complaint. I'm not a fan of sweeping, so he takes care of that department. The key, I think, is to find tasks you enjoy, or at least can tolerate. I also suggest discussing the chore list at least once a year to see if any switching needs to occur.

Even in our financial matters, M and I find a balance. I make more money and so I pay all of the household bills (rent, utilities, food, etc.). He's much better at saving than I am, so he handles our "put away" account. We describe this as me handling the present and him taking care of our future. Last year, we saved up enough money to vacation in Europe. Next, we hope to save up enough for a wedding and a move overseas. With teamwork, anything is possible.

Does Your Husband Support Your Dreams? - Blog Entry

06 Jan 2008 06:07 PM

I can't imagine marrying a man who doesn't support my interests or career choices. I would certainly support his work; reciprocity is assumed.

If a man feels threatened by his wife's interests or career goals, then he is the one who has the problem. And if he dared to "ridicule, make fun of, and even forbid the dream from happening," I'd show him to the door. Then, again I wouldn't have married him in the first place.

Examining the Cinderella Effect - Blog Entry

06 Jan 2008 05:58 PM

Personally, I've always been a huge fan of "Beauty and the Beast." Seeing someone for who they are inside and loving them for it.

Resolving to Make the Best of Marriage in '08 - Blog Entry

03 Jan 2008 02:17 PM

"What kind of topics would you like to see covered in the Marriage Blog next year? More wedding articles? Date night ideas? Romance suggestions? Approaches to conflict resolution? Exercises for strengthening marriages?" All of the above!

Can You Wait Until Tomorrow to Give Your Spouse Their Gifts? - Blog Entry

26 Dec 2007 05:30 PM

We broke tradition this year and opened everything on Christmas Eve. Just couldn't help ourselves. It was great! *smile*

(Side note: We're not hitched yet. Saving up for it....)

Couples and Christmastime Traditions - Blog Entry

23 Dec 2007 09:03 AM

This is only our second Christmas together, but we've already started creating our own traditions. In the middle of December, we go out and buy a live tree. Then we decorate it while listening to holiday tunes and drinking tea/cocoa. On Yule, we watch our favorite movies, light a candle in the darkest point of night and toast the coming of winter. The next day or two, we take a drive over to Dyker Heights to see all the lovely decorations. On Christmas Eve, we open one gift and have a feast. Then on Christmas morn, we open the rest of our gifts and head into Manhattan for movies and Chinese food. Somewhere in the middle of the holiday season, I bake cookies and he eats them. *smile*

How Much are You Willing to Give? - Blog Entry

17 Dec 2007 07:54 AM

These are excellent scenarios. *smile*

"Scenario #1 Your husband decided to take a new job in a new town. You have a home, a job, and children in school. Do you willingly pack up and leave? I suppose this question would all depend on the location and the salary increase. The situation may be easier if you know that you can live more comfortably and not have to take on another job."

If I can also find work in the new location, I'd definitely be willing to move. For two years. I can live anywhere for that amount of time. Two years later, we'll reassess our professional and financial situation and see where we'll go next. (Note: We would do the exact same thing if the situation was reversed and I got offered the great job.)

"Scenario #2 You find out that your spouse has been involved in some illegal activity and desperately needs emotional and mental help. Do you take the children and leave or stand by your spouse and hope that things get better? I think this situation would be easier if the spouse is willing to get help and change."

Honestly, it depends on the illegal activity. I mean, if he's been caught downloading child porn, raping women, abusing animals, committing armed robbery, going on a killing spree, etc., I would leave him to his own mess. However, if he's just done something stupid (trespassing, gambling, kleptomania-type crimes), I'd urge him to turn himself in immediately, plead guilty to whatever he's done, serve his punishment and then we'd seek counseling.

"Scenario #3 Your spouse is unhappy at his or her job and wants to quit. However, the loss of a paycheck will change your lifestyle drastically. Do you encourage your spouse to unhappily stay at the job or do you refigure your budget to accommodate the loss in money?"

I'd encourage him to find a new job ASAP. The moment he does so, he can turn in his two-weeks notice and find joy in his new position. On the other hand, if he was laid off from his job, we'd reconfigure our budget and make due until he found another position.

Thanks for the thoughtful situations. They definitely gave me much to ponder.

Do You Tell Your Husband How Much You Spend on Gifts? - Blog Entry

17 Dec 2007 07:45 AM

Who would hide their purchases from their spouse? I mean, other than surprises (such as Xmas or birthday gifts), there's absolutely no reason to deceive the person you love by sneaking into the house with shopping bags. I certainly can't imagine my S.O. doing this, and I wouldn't do it to him either. Our financial present/future is completely open book.

So what is the psychology of this practice? Shame? Guilt? Trust issues? Perhaps I'm just the wrong person to ask because I hate shopping for anything other than books and food.

Who's That? - An Admission about My Roving Eye - Blog Entry

14 Dec 2007 09:08 AM

Awww. It's great to find yourself truly and deeply attracted to the man you love. I'm the same way! *smile*

Splitting Holiday Time Between Two Families - Blog Entry

07 Dec 2007 08:09 AM

Personally I vote for Option D -- None of the above. Not everyone has a family...or in-laws they're willing to tolerate. Since my SO and I live far away from our families and have no children, we make the most of the holidays alone. Talk about a romantic time! It's wonderful. Come Yule, we'll be snuggling up on our couch, watching holiday movies, eating Christmas cookies, enjoying our tree and making the most of the mistletoe. I highly recommend such an option to any couple stressing out about this month's festivities.