Jade Walker's comments

When Work Keeps You Apart

18 Jan 2008 03:27 PM

This situation actually suits some couples. My grandparents, for example, have been married for over 30 years. For the majority of that time, my grandfather was a long-haul truck driver. Which meant he was home one day a week. My grandmother, however, is a very independent woman. Once her children were grown, she enjoyed having the house to herself and then spending that final day with her husband.

I work the graveyard shift. My beau is a daywalker. Yet we spend several hours together each night (after he gets home and before I start work). On weekends, one of us will often stay up late or get up early in order to spend even more time together. We also work a lot of overtime in order to rack up comp time, which we utilize for "getaway" trips. Ultimately, you just gotta find a schedule that works for both of you.

My Spouse Doesn't Want a Child

16 Jan 2008 09:02 PM

So you changed your mind and your spouse didn't. That does make things more difficult. Well, you don't want to force parenthood on an unwilling partner, but you do have needs too. Have you considered perhaps becoming a foster parent? A volunteer in a peds unit at a hospital? A girl or boy scout leader? A mentor? These activities would serve your community and give you access to the children you desire. Light knows there are enough kids in the world who need a bit of affection and guidance.

Marriage Roadblock: Latin America vs. Europe

16 Jan 2008 08:59 PM

When I discussed your post with my beau - a promising travel writer - he suggested you take separate vacations. While that is certainly an option, I suggest going to Mexico first. The dollar is doing terribly against both the euro and the pound right now, so a trip to Europe will cost you a lot more. (We just got back from Europe so we know.)

Go to Mexico and make your beau happy. Then, with the money you saved, take a longer trip to France next year. You can even use the extra time to bone up on your French. *grin*

My Spouse Doesn't Want a Child

15 Jan 2008 03:26 PM

Isn't this an issue that should be discussed before marriage?

Things to Talk about before Marriage

14 Jan 2008 08:51 AM

Excellent suggestions, Lyn. I would also throw in discussions about religion, politics, work, future goals and health. Giving yourselves time to get to know each other before rushing into marriage is also wise. I've always believed in the Four Seasons Rule: know each other for a full year, or four seasons, before considering marriage. Over the course of a year, a couple will surely endure good times and bad, deaths/births, job changes, friendship issues, illnesses, etc. How a couple responds to each of these situations will be a good indication of whether marriage is in the cards.

Do You Have Criteria for Dating?

14 Jan 2008 08:45 AM

I used to have a long list of criteria that I wanted my ideal mate to have, one that included everything from "total romantic" to "great dancer." As I aged, however, my list narrowed to some very key needs: honest, trustworthy, faithful, open-minded, intelligent, kind, passionate, funny, law-abiding, romantic and mature. I also wanted to find someone who wasn't racist, sexist, jealous, homophobic, uber-religious or family-minded. These values were important to me, and I vowed not to settle for anything less. I'm glad I waited because when he showed up in my life, my beau was everything I wanted and more.

It is Okay to be Jealous

11 Jan 2008 12:42 PM

I believe that honesty, trust and open lines of communication are the keys to "protecting" a relationship. If you're feeling more than just a wee bit jealous, perhaps something else is going on.

The situation mentioned in a previous post is not an isolated one. I am friends with almost all of my ex's. My beau is not the least bit jealous of them because a) he's confident in the knowledge that he is the only man I want and 2) there's nothing any of those guys could do that would make me leave him. (Not that they would try. The friendship zone is clearly marked and they all adore him.)

My beau is able to become friends with these men because they're good people. Kind. Smart. Funny. Talented. We all have common interests and goals, and thus enjoy spending time together. The same holds true for his ex's. I would go out to dinner with any of them.

For what it's worth...when I was on the dating scene, I'd often ask my suitors if they remained friends with their ex's. The ones who said they "kicked 'em to the curb" or "would never be friends with ex" were usually NOT the kind of men I wanted to know. Those guys had ISSUES (usually with jealousy, inexperience, massive egos, immaturity, violence or self-confidence).

Who Has Time for Lingerie?

11 Jan 2008 12:28 PM

Two suggestions: Full moons and Ring Day.

Full moons occur once every 28 days. They're marked on nearly every calendar and come with lunar reminders (just look up in the night sky). Make that night your lingerie night. By the second month, you'll both be looking forward to it.

Ring Day may or may not be applicable to you. It really depends on the type of birth control you use. We're huge fans of the NuvaRing, which once applied remains in place for three weeks. You take it out for a week, menstruate then put a new one in to start the cycle again. Birth control should always be the responsibility of both mates, IMO. So why not make each new cycle an event? *smile*

Running into an Ex

08 Jan 2008 06:54 AM

Sounds like a post on jealousy is needed. *smile*

What makes people jealous? Do they not trust their partner? Do they not trust themselves? Were they cheated on? Are they a past cheater and thus expect everyone else will behave the same way? Is it a self-confidence issue? Or is it simply a matter of lacking enough relationship experience to understand that jealous is rarely warranted, and can in fact, be destructive?

Running into an Ex

07 Jan 2008 07:31 PM

Not all breakups have to end badly. I've been in several serious relationships that lasted for months/years. When we split, the romance ended but the friendship at our core remained. So not only do I occasionally run into ex's...I remain close to 'em.

Last year, one of my ex's flew my beau and I across the country just so the three of us could spend Thanksgiving together. We had a fabulous time. And in the spring, my ex and his girlfriend will be flying to our town and hanging out with us. I can't wait!