KMacK's comments

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

30 Mar 2008 01:35 PM

Hello Beth, I believe that my sister has NPD. I had purchased acopy of of the DSM-IV a number of years ago for other reasons and happened to be thumbing through the diiferent categories of disorders and came across Narcisism. I read the article and thought to my self now that sounds like my youngest sister.

I almost don't know where to start with this story. She is the youngest of four children, she is almost 52 years old now. From the beginning she could do no wrong. While all of the rest of us had chores and consequences for misbehavior, she never had to do anything she did not want to. No chores no consequences.

When I was 15 my health was in severe jeopardy. She was 9 at the time. It was determined that I had an adenoma in my bronchial tree and my left lung had to be removed. This was 1965. I was in hospital for several months. At that time very young children were not allowed to visit patients. So she never saw me in the hospital.

At this same time my father decided he wanted a divorce from my mother. He was a Merchant Marine and was always away at sea. Gone for a year and home for six months was the usual pattern.

When I came home from the hospital....there was a certain disbelief on my sisters part that there was anything wrong with me. It took me almost a year to recover. I had a hard time walking up stairs to my bedroom for many months. Most things that folks take for granted would leave me gasping for air. When asked to take out the trash or shovel snow I often protested......Sisters comment were always...you're just lazy. There is nothing wrong with you!. Meanwhile she was never asked to even wash dishes or pick up her room.

From there as time went on she became a clothes horse.....going to a local shop and stealing hundreds of dollars worth of clothing. she was found out when my mother happened to find sisters closet full of clothes that had all the labels on them and mother had not bought any one of them. However my mother and my stepfather took her to the shop and turned her in. As they should have. The kicker is they paid for all the clothes and nothing was ever done to punish her.

Sis was getting into Bathroom fights with other girls in high school. Dating boys who she had no feeling for only to get material things from them. (It turned out later she was a lesbian) She even went so far in her mid twenties to have a threesome with the owner of a local motorcycle shop so that he would get her a new Motocross Motorcycle. She subsequently turned up pregnant and had an abortion. The only one who was supposed to know was my SIL who took her to the clinic. SIL said she came out of the procedure room with a smile on her face.

Many years were punctuated with her BSing her way into jobs she was not qualified for (she had dropped out of school) Always presented herself as though she came from money. Made sure she drove Cadillacs and other Hot cars.

I moved to Maine in my early twenties and became a carpenter, got married, built my own house and raised most of our own food. I did not have much contact with her during about a five year period. I heard from my brother that she was driving home drunk from gay bars in the Boston area.

She has a belief that she has a strong affinity for animals. She became a trainee with the BPD mounted division. Something happened that I never got the full story on but she never became full time and left BPD.

She went to grooming school and while there met a woman who she partnered with, for some time. The partner went to prison and tried to convince Sis to break her out....she was actually going to do it.

That relationship fell by the wayside before long. She met another woman who she partnered with for many years. She was actually a very nice person. She helped my Sis get a dog grooming business going and eventually into breading and showing dogs.

Also during this relationship Sis became a Black belt in Karate. She also expressed a desire to become a sherriffs deputy. After she made deputy it turns out she was marginalized by the rest of the deputies....they just did not like her so she quit.

Later toward the end of the relationship with this longtime partner. there were assualts....and then there were diamond rings, assualts and diamond rings....please don't leave me please here look what I bought you. EXpensive cars eventually....Corvettes and the like as gifts.

Sis could be so charming to people too. I used to go to her shop and bring lunch because I knew she was real busy. I would watch her interact with her customers too. Oh Hi how are you? Hows your wife? talk about the owners dog in kids terms....then as soon as they took their dog out the door she would go...F^#%ing loser....

Eventually the relationship ended with this long time woman.....but it was not pretty. there was bleach thrown in eyes....and many other types of assualts. There was stalking going on too......for a long time and my still be going on I am not sure.

As if that was not enough. My brother hurt his back at work. he was out on disabilty. His daughter had given birth to a daughter and was going back to work. So being proud Grand Dad he decided he would take care of Gbaby while mom was at work for the first year. During that year he hired me to shingle his whole house. One day he heard that my sister's name had been in the paper for assualt on a dog grooming customer. Since he and I had severed ties with her sometime before. He called my oldest sister to see what she knew about this.

About an hour after he called older Sis....Younger Sis calls him and threatens to kill him....she was still on the sherriffs department. He was also somewhat depressed from his predicament with his work injury. He had no idea if she would carry it out.

I could go on and on with this. She has subsequently denied to me that the threat ever happened. I was right there in the kitchen while she was on the phone to him and heard the whole of his side of the conversation. So I know it happened.

I got feel ing sorry for my younger Sis a few years ago. Around Christmas and New Years she has a way of dropping hints to other family that she'd like her family back. So I decided to contact her and had lunch with her. That was a bad decision and a moment of weakness I won't do again.

I only wish I could post the email that she sent me after my own daughter had some troubles in an abusive relationship. I was trying to find somewhere for her and her children to go if my daughter needed a place when she left her abuser.

You would have thought I had asked for a million dollars. Needless to say I severed the relationship once again.