Kori Rodley Irons's comments

Parenting Myths for Parents of Defiant Children - Blog Entry

18 Dec 2006 11:27 AM

I'm going to really go out on a limb and say that defiance doesn't have to be a "bad" thing. There can be some definite pluses for a child who is strong-willed and fiercely independent. What appears to us as defiance, may be a child trying to be assertive and gain some control over his or her own world. I have a confession--I'm nearly forty and I have to admit that I really hate being told what to do, so it's hard for me to hold it against kids who feel the same way. As a parent, I'm a believer in natural and logical consequences and those don't always have to be parent-induced. I'm also a fan of discipline, not punishment. With three incredibly strong-willed kids, I have to say that anger is a secondary emotion and I believe what is considered "defiant behavior" is actually a way of coping with other things...

Gift Ideas For Your Child's Teacher - Blog Entry

14 Dec 2006 05:17 PM

Coffee and tea make great teacher gifts--instant or something gourmet. The teacher can either keep it at school for a coffee break or take it home to enjoy...

- Blog Entry

12 Dec 2006 08:51 PM

There is an article on only children titled, "Just the One" in the Winter 2007 issue of "Brain, Child"--the web address for the magazine is www.brainchildmag.com. The article is written by Jennifer Niesslein and covers a lot of the issues and myths that are brought up here, and also goes into exploring just exactly how (and "if") the experience of being an only child is different from being part of a larger family.

Who's Easier-Boys or Girls? - Blog Entry

11 Dec 2006 06:56 PM

When my kids were little, I found parenting the girls easier than my rambunctious son--there were days I was convinced he was possessed! But now that they are all in high school, I have caught myself wishing they were all boys--somewhere around 13 and 14, I'm not sure where my sweet, articulate girls went, but I'm sure my mother's prayers for "pay-back" have been answered...

Would You Allow A Boy - Girl Sleepover? - Blog Entry

04 Dec 2006 09:21 AM

This is interesting. I am the single parent of three nearly-grown teens (all in high school) so I'm obviously coming from the position of having "been there, done that." and, yes, co-ed sleepovers have been a part of their social scene and I have never witnessed any adolescent orgies (in the home of the square mother baking cookies?!!!). One of my daughters has several gay male friends who have been her best friends for years. And, I'm quite aquainted with the parents of my kids' friends and we are all rather typical, responsible parents. While I'm sure someone with an alternative opinion would argue I'm "out of touch with reality," I feel pretty grounded. To be honest, I am a little envious of the healthy, non-gender-segregated world my kids have grown up in. While each of them is different, they all have friends of both sexes and there is no big secret or mystery in relating to people of the opposite sex. Bigger concerns for me are staying at homes where there are drugs, guns, access to alcohol, etc. This seldom seems to make the list of heated concerns and debate like the worry that kids may fall asleep on opposite couches watching MTV.

Should Textbooks Be Written To Include Homosexual Achievements? - Blog Entry

21 Nov 2006 04:06 PM

I think diversity is important and should be acknowledged, pointed out and encouraged! I realize this might seem somewhat radical, but I believe that so many pieces of history have been buried and tucked away because they didn't represent the "majority" or the accepted status quo--the history of native Americans, African-Americans, Asian-Americans, etc. I think the fact that people who don't fit into the "accepted picture" of the Normal Rockwell American lifestyle historically have to combat racism and homophobia and sexism, etc. just to accomplish some very seemingly-ordinary things--(home ownership, business ownership, college attendance, families, marriage) IS part of our history. The reality is that a person's socialogical identity does affect how he or she is able to live and work in this society. One way minorities have been kept down is by making them invisible--by representing everyone in our textbooks, television, books, etc. maybe we can start to really embrace diversity.

Knowledge doesn't need to be scary. What is the horrible thing that's going to happen if children learn all the various ways that people live and contribute? Is the status quo so precarious that the contributions of those who had to overcome additional adversity will somehow inspire children to "convert"?--I think if you ask someone who is a woman, African-American, homosexual, etc. if theire minority, gender, orientation status is a "big deal" in terms of how they've been able to live and work in this country--the answer would most likely be yes (it is for me!). The fact that we're continuing to debate about this means these identifying qualifiers are still important and are still part of the story. It matters.

School Problems Have Changed - Blog Entry

21 Nov 2006 12:29 PM

I have three high-school age teenagers and I'm amazed at how much things haven't changed! When it comes to the drugs, sex, alcohol and such--it doesn't seem much different at all from my high school days in the excessive mid-eighties. However, what I think has changed is the academic expectations. There is so much homework and the workload and regulations, testing, etc. are incredibly high. My kids don't even have the time to do the extra-curricular things I was able to do because of the homework and academic requirements! I was able to graduate a half-year early from high school with a 3.4 gpa and that was with not even going to a half-year of German and doing more than my fair share of skipping. I get phone calls from my kids' schools every single time they are late to class!

I recently had a phone call where the guidance counselor asked me what my consequences where when my fifteen-year-old got up late on school days (we're talking getting to school 15 or 20 minutes late here)--I stammered for an answer, remembering that my own parents were off to work by the time I got myself up to get to school when I was in high school and if they'd been called to ask them why I was late they would have been flabergasted (and more than a little annoyed.) The counselor asked if she was "left alone to try to get herself up?" as though, for a high-schooler than constituted child abuse...

I think that there is added pressure on teens, but I don't think it's all coming from their peers. I wonder if they're not turning to unhealthy habits to try to let off steam from all the stress and pressure that is supposed to be "good for them"? Here in my home state, P.E. classes, sports and other "non-essentials" are falling by the wayside in order to promote academics in public schools. I worry that teens are in a pressure-cooker (an us parents too!)...

Having a Non-Cuddly Baby - Blog Entry

20 Nov 2006 09:27 PM

My second daughter was not "cuddly"--it even took time to adjust to breast feeding since she didn't like being held close--we finally developed a system similar to how some moms breastfeed twins--I layed her on a pillow with most of her body facing the opposite direction so she could feel "free" while she fed.

Over time, we learned to adjust--she loved hearing books and stories and was quite content to sit "beside" me and cuddle a little. As she got older, we did a lot of side-by-side activities together--gardening, cooking, art projects--and we were able to bond without the intimate cuddling. When she was a newborn, I wore her in a front carrier--the sling was too confining for her, and as soon as she was able, she wanted to be facing out! She didn't like to be swaddled, either and preferred to have her legs and arms free.

Now, that daughter is a very independent, challenging and stong-willed teenager. Like many seasoned parents, I can now see how my daughter's personality has been with her since birth and I didn't have much say about things at all! We still have our most pleasant moments side-by-side working in the kitchen, or watching the movie or dvd. She will hug, but it is not a regular thing and she has to be the initiator--not just with me, but with anyone. She just is who she is, and I don't feel any less bonded with her than I do with my other two who were quite the affectionate cuddlers. But, I was the one who had to do the adjusting.

Having a Non-Cuddly Baby - Blog Entry

20 Nov 2006 09:26 PM

My second daughter was not "cuddly"--it even took time to adjust to breast feeding since she didn't like being held close--we finally developed a system similar to have some moms breastfeed twins--I layed her on a pillow with most of her body facing the opposite direction so she could feel "free" while she fed.

Over time, we learned to adjust--she loved hearing books and stories and was quite content to sit "beside" me and cuddle a little. As she got older, we did a lot of side-by-side activities together--gardening, cooking, art projects--and we were able to bond without the intimate cuddling. When she was a newborn, I wore her in a front carrier--the sling was too confining for her, and as soon as she was able, she wanted to be facing out! She didn't like to be swaddled, either and preferred to have her legs and arms free.

Now, that daughter is a very independent, challenging and stong-willed teenager. Like many seasoned parents, I can now see how my daughter's personality has been with her since birth and I didn't have much say about things at all! We still have our most pleasant moments side-by-side working in the kitchen, or watching the movie or dvd. She will hug, but it is not a regular thing and she has to be the initiator--not just with me, but with anyone. She just is who she is, and I don't feel any less bonded with her than I do with my other two who were quite the affectionate cuddlers. But, I was the one who had to do the adjusting.

- Blog Entry

20 Nov 2006 05:28 PM

When my eldest daughter was in kindergarten and first grade (she's now a very succesful high school junior), we lived in a rural school district in central Illinois. Not only did they hand out grades--but the kids were even graded on P.E.! Having been raised and educated on the West coast, this was all quite new to me and seemed a little backward...So, I asked for a conference to talk it over explaining that since I was from somewhere else, I wasn't used to grading so early.

My daughter got a "B" in P.E. and she was devastated! In all her academic subjects (I don't know how academic kindergarten is!) she got A's and she was crushed by that "B"--the teacher explained that even though she was always a good sport and willing and eager to participate, she just wasn't as athletic as some of the other children, and therefore, the teacher couldn't in good faith and fairness, give her an "A"--

From that moment, my daughter has been convinced that she's "just not athletic" and while she played some sports and was often awarded "Best Sport" or "Best Attitude"--she would always say that it wasn't her thing. Would she have likely come to the same opinion of herself if she hadn't gotten that "B" in kindergarten? I don't know--what I do know is that at the age she was, it was a really tough blow!

Two of my teenagers now attend a high school where they don't even give out grades--instead, students recieve full credit or partial credit depending on their efforts and they either pass or don't. It's fantastic and they really respond well to it--they've learned to go to school and get involved for reasons other than "grade rewards." For them, learning is its own reward.