Kori Rodley Irons's comments

Where Will You Spend the Holidays?

20 Nov 2006 05:16 PM

I think the challenges get even more difficult when you have a divorced and re-partnered family! The first couple holidays after my divorce, it was all I could do just to get through until January 1st--We had to negotiate who would get "Christmas Eve" and who would get "Christmas Day"--some long-established traditions had to be let go of, while new ones needed to be created (I had been married 17 years and we had three children.) I had to really mourn the loss of the "perfect family" holidays, and learn to share my kids with their "other families."

That was years ago, and my children are now all in high school. Things have mellowed and we've all adjusted. Now they really enjoy all the new family and the lengthy season of celebrations they are able to participate in. And, emotions have cooled so now we can all be quite civil . As a matter of fact, I have invited my ex-in-laws over for Thanksgiving dinner with my kids and I--since their dad is out of town for the holidays with his new partner and her family.

Families change--it's not always easy, but like most change, it's all in how you bounce!

Labor of the Heart

20 Nov 2006 05:08 PM

I am in the midst of the "waiting process" currently and it's actually a bit of a respite after all I went through to get here! After first applying with our state Department of Human Services, going through all the classes, finishing my homestudy, going to committee, not being chosen, asked to become a foster parent, going through certification, asked to take inappropriate referrals, and going through nearly two years of stress and daily effort, I finally regrouped and decided to pray and meditate about whether adoption was really in my future. I then started all over with a private, nonprofit agency--a new homestudy, paperwork, physical, etc. Finally, I have been on the "waiting list" since the end of September. Whew! So, having not known I would make it this far--and coupled with all the life changes that have happened on top of the adoption process, I'm using the waiting time to try to figure out how I'm going to pay for the rest of the process! The good thing about our very bumpy adoption ride so far, is that it's given my three biological teenagers plenty of time to process and get used to the idea of a new sibling.

There are similarities to being pregnant--only for me, it is an extremely long "elephant" pregnancy and I don't get the benefit of all the well-wishes and belly rubs I had with my three birth children. Instead I get, "Are you still planning to go through with that adoption?!"