lmv's comments

Narcissism-Symptoms and Treatment (1) - Blog Entry

01 Jul 2008 11:30 AM

I can so relate to what several of you are going through. I am married to an incredibly selfish man. Many things you describe I go through as well. Excessive spending habits, Compulsive Lies, Secretive Habits, Emotional Abuse you name it. Sadly, he was raised in the this enviroment and is a carbon copy of his father. I am back in counseling and seriously considering separation/divorce (note, I filed for divorce 2 yrs ago and came back to the marriage believing he was going to change). We have been to couples counseling with two separate counselors and the results have been the same.... he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong. He might admit for a second in the office with the counselor what he is doing to make them think the discussion is productive and then he goes right back to his old tricks.

We now have a beautiful 1 yr old daughter and it breaks my heart to think she will grow up in such a hostile and selfish world. We both deserve better ......

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

30 Jun 2008 02:28 PM

Hi Beth, sadly I am married to "what2do"'s BIL. We share some of the same frustrations, but in different respects. As "what2do" recognizes, while her husband does 95% of the work at the office, I do it at home. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am not crazy and/or unrealistic in my expectations of marriage. I have been married to him for almost 5 yrs and sadly it has been some of the lonliest years of my life. The emotional abuse and some physical have been hard for me to understand. We have seen a couple of marriage counselors and the result has been the same... he feels he is doing nothing wrong, it is always someone elses' problem.

Some days I feel like I was mislead when I met him, all of the things he told me and the person I "thought" I knew is not the man I am married too. In addition, I am his third wife. That alone probably should have been a red flag from the beginning, but I believed his stories of being mistreated by those before me. What I have sadly had to come to grips with is that this man is not capable of loving me or anyone else he might encounter. I filed for divorce a couple of years ago, however I believed him when he said he wanted this marriage and would change. In that short time, we have had a beautiful baby girl. It saddens me to think she will grow up in this hostility and selfishness.

I don't trust the man as far as I can throw him. He lies about lies, some days I don't know how he keeps them all straight. He lacks any respect for anyone but himself.

I have lost hope, and I am ready to separate and/or divorce again. Sadly this is not something I want for me or my daughter, but I also know I cannot keep living this life forever. The more I read on NPD, the less hopeful I get. It doesn't seem like many recognize they have a problem and/or seek help. In addition, the more I read seems to be about how the loved one of the NPD needs to re-train or re-think their actions and words. He is so unpredictable, which makes it even more maddening. What worked one day doesn't work the next.....

He has labeled me as "emotionally unstable" which I find interesting and offensive, seing that my family has no history of mental illness while his family is plagued with it. Everyone in his family with the exception of "what2do"'s husband is on anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, anti-anxiety, painkillers or sleeping pills. You start to feel "emotionally unstable" when in a relationship with a NPD, you get sucked into their mind games.

I could go on for hrs, I am just thankful to have a wonderful SIL and to find resources to understand his behaviour. As I struggle with what decision to make, I feel some confort in knowing I am not alone in my journey, more importantly I am NOT selfish or unrealistic in my thinking.

I am eager for your response and will more than likely reach out to further at your website. Thanks!