lonelyinafullhouse's comments

Coping with an adult with Asperger's (3) - Blog Entry

05 Dec 2008 01:22 AM

I am a mother of seven children, my husband of 21 years and I have reached a difficult place in our marriage. We have had several children with depression, one of whom was diagnosed with ADD as well, between counseling and medication, three of them have been helped immensely. In the process of helping our children, my husband and I found ourselves at odds at every turn. We met with a marriage therapist and several counselors for our children during a period of more than two years. During this process of treating and counseling, my husband became more and more opposed to me. He was "nice" to everyone we met with, but ultimately didn't trust any professional who supplied information. Two different counselors suggested to me that my husband had some unusual responses that are Aspergers-like. I've since researched adult Aspergers and find many similarities. I have asked him to be tested and he refused with a mixture of controlled fear and anger. My children need help and they get virtually no emotional support from him. He seems to be able to focus on one child at a time, several months or more. It's as though he doesn't care about the rest of us for that time. My question is, how can I talk to him about being tested for Aspergers when he doesn't trust professionals? Would there be a significant benefit for the children (ages 4-20) to have him diagnosed? I find lots of comfort in the thought that he may have Aspergers. He isn't intentionally hurting me or ignoring me or the children, he honestly thinks he is doing everything just right, even when he says and does very hurtful things. Is there a way for me to know even if he can't face the testing for whatever reason? Would it be wise to talk to the children about the possibility of Aspergers, or if it's possible, the diagnosis of Aspergers? I wish I knew what to do, if I can do anything at all.